Late 20's reflection

So I have not posted in two years, and I find that one of the things on my list to do lately is recover some of my artistic outlets one of which is writing. As I am coming towards completing 29 years on this earth and getting closer to 30, it reminds me of multiple things. One that comes to mind are these 30 before 30 lists, and the difference between my early twenties and my late twenties. Buzzfeed has some great things about these differences this link makes me laugh so hard and not feel so alone http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/life-in-your-early-twenties-vs-your-late-twenties#.mmENBzj1M. But all funny business aside, I am doing exceedingly well on my 30 before 30 list (at least 90 I'll publish the complete list when I turn 30).

Mostly because in my early twenties I had experienced so much loss in terms of family and young friends I realized that getting older is not a given and something that continues to follow me through the years. This constant reminder losing multiple friends, almost every year before they completed 23, taught me to start a to do list. Each year right before New Years since 2009, I write a list that has different categories: this year, this lifetime, books I've read (with the intention of reading one a month usually get to about 6 a year), places to visit and other unexpected achieved. As life and the universe continue to giggle at me, the best section is always the other unexpected achieved. Partially, it is the intention I am setting what I can be realistic about achieving in any given year and seek out those opportunities and on the other it is to keep me in a general direction plus recognizing the greatness that life unplanned provides. Some of the ones I find interesting on the unexpected list include: eating ants, hitchhiking, getting published in a newspaper, participating in a flash mob in an Ambassador's Residence, volunteering/translating on a Navy ship, swimming with sea lions, taking a 6 month sabbatical, backstage access in a zoo, being a maid of honor, not getting hired for the first time resulting in getting yoga instructor certified and getting engaged.

 Some items remain on the to do list every single year like: change someone's life, be happy, embrace the question and learn something new. Above all other things on the list I try my best to achieve these final four, and that brings me back to the point when someone asks me how many countries I've traveled to I can only say 7 which compared to some of my Peace Corps peer group is laughable where as for my high school graduating class it is impressive. But I don't see travel to countries as a collection I may have traveled 3 times to Mexico and 3 times to Costa Rica and lived in Peru for almost 7 years. Each of those experiences was completely different an invaluable in my story but cannot be captured by the initial question.

When I started this to do list habit it came out of a genuine concern to make certain I was living life in such a way that if I died early as my peers had done that I could do so with no regrets. I write this as I read an article this morning from one of the Peace Corps volunteers I trained Shalin Shah who passed away at 22 #sunsetsforshalin and reading that another PCV in Mozambique died this past week at 25. And as I plan my upcoming trip with my mother that is yet another difference between early and late twenties, I now worry more about the time I get to spend on my vacations relaxing and spending quality time with my loved ones more than the destination itself.

I am eternally grateful that my mother and I have an unspoken pact to see one another at least once a year either her coming or me going back to the states. Which is another difference between my early and late twenties, I am now prouder than ever to say I am my mother's daughter, even her imprint. We currently have an excellent and real friendship something that came about a few years ago. I may never make it to as many countries appear on my list, but if I spend time with my family making new memories than I've lived life.

And I suppose that this article is a plea to what appears to be an evermore common epidemic of caring about likes and being able to say you did something or take a picture of it, rather than really experiencing all the positive, negative, growth stimulating, pain aching everything that is this beautiful and unpredictable life. It is a collection of experiences but not for the purpose of pictures or even blogs, but rather for the experience itself what did it teach you? We must live life very intentionally every second of everyday as there is not guarantee of time. Live your lives in a way that the day you pass, you can be completely at peace perhaps the best way to start is by living completely at peace.

Wedding excitement

February was filled with meetings, I decided to participate in the yearly planning meetings with the new PC direction, it was so refreshing to know that I shared the vision of what development is, what the mission of PC is and how to help volunteers. The new director and subdirector literally repeated words I had said the year before and gotten scolded for. Those days served as great getting to know you moments and team building. The rest of the time we had been taking care of all the paperwork stuff. Well let's just say the problems first got a lot worse before they got better, but for some reason it reassured our relationship, the being able to have to fight for what we wanted to achieve together. Really I am grateful Joel knows how to deal with my anxiousness in uncertain times and motivate me to keep moving forward. To take the stress off every Sunday we go down to the beach that is 15 minutes from our house to be reminded that our lives are small in front of such a great force of nature like the ocean, breath fresh air and bask in the sun. Once we got the green light and a DATE March 7, the count down and planning began, we are going to have like 25 people attend a civil ceremony in the municipality where we live, we will have some h'ordeuvres, champagne and cupcakes. It will be short and sweet and then we will go take pictures down by the beach. My mom decided to come literally one week before simply because we only knew one week before, which meant I was now going to be able to have the ceremony I wanted in the dress we bought together, with grams rings and my mom give away the bride . Unfortunately for the short notice desi wont be able to come but we still plan on having a ceremony in Colorado for all my friends and family that couldn't make it. It is such a world wind of coordination and excitement. Also to my surprise my old boss organized me a wedding shower which was really adorable in a nice restaurant overlooking the water at sunset. I got towels, wine glasses, sheets, silverware and twister. Feeling motivated to take advantage of these fun parties I decided to plan a bachelorette party tonight 10 girls and me are headed to see some handsome men dance..  My mom arrives tomorrow and we are going to make the best of the 4 days she is here. My reflections on getting married are that it is exciting once everything is planned you start to get a little nervous for me it is having to be emotional/ vulnerable in front of a group of 25 people in heels (without falling fingers crossed) But the commitment part to Joel doesn't make me nervous in the least, I would say we have had a less than conventional love story with perhaps what others consider too much honesty, clumsiness, being 100% ourselves. But that is the great myth about finding love as little girls and teenagers we are trained to try to be this perfect woman to be able to find the perfect man, we are trained to appear instead of be, and omit or hid too many things that make us who we are. The truth is people should find themselves and be that person unchanging until they find someone who accepts them for exactly as they are and helps them become even more. I can say with so much confidence that Joel has helped me work through many of my issues, insecurities and imperfections he has polished me to become who I have always wanted to and continues to help me grow the same way that I know I help him. It is a truly energetic relationship. I agree that while interests in common help the relationship more important are values/lifestyles. We copy what our partners do so it is important to find someone that you admire their lifestyle so that when you later begin to live like that you are healthy and happy. I have helped 4 people get engaged/married in the last 2 years. It is an incredible experience to help people develop themselves as people and improve relationships. I still wholeheartedly believe in the importance of living together before getting married for at least 6 months to a year so that you can see all their habits annoying or otherwise and be able to see if you can deal with it or not. And though we rarely argue I love that he always throws whatever argument I am using against him against me to help me see if I am being unfair. I am excited to see what our lives bring, to travel and continue to grow together. He has called me his refuge and he is without a doubt my home. I am so grateful for all the people who have helped me get to this point, who have loved me unconditionally, who support my decisions, who believe in me, I love you all so much and can say I am officially a woman and a wife.

Piles of Paperwork and Living in Limbo

In December I competed for the first time against a girl in submission and I won in less than 2 minutes with an arm bar. It is a submission move where you hyper extend their elbow so that they tap out. It was such a rush to even be able to compete since there are almost never girls and even more so to win! It felt like the reward for all the MMA training I had been doing. Multiple people of our team won that day and there is another competition the 25th of January that perhaps I will participate in. Later, I got to travel to the beach of Trujillo to help with a training for the Community Economic Development volunteers about how to run community banks (a savings and loaning system run by the community members) and do financial education. They were long and exhausting days in the way that you use every last drop of glucose, sweat and enthusiasm in your body. In the evenings I did yoga on the beach and danced with the ocean. It felt great to be training others again, to speak in front of a crowd and answer their questions. The truth was I didn't know really very much on this theme, but the other trainers said that you couldn't tell. There were moments when I felt I was drowning and wanted them to jump in so badly but they didn't. When I later asked why they said they enjoyed the way that I explained things and were learning how to say things properly in Spanish. I felt like I had arrived. However, the end of December started to feel a little like ground hog's day. The attempt to get my paperwork figured out so I could start working in January began optimistically enough only to come to a crash and burn. Literally every small detail that could have gone wrong did. SO that is the living in limbo part, as of today I am waiting for the phone call to see if I will be able to still work for PC or if this will be a passed opportunity. It was a lot of running around between immigrations, the office, translating documents, the embassy, back to immigrations, back to office and then nothing, just stalemate. The only thing that I have left in order to get my visa is to wait to get married. There was anxiety, panic, lack of control over the situation, tears, and finally acceptance. I have to just let it go because I tried everything I possibly could to make things happen and nothing worked. It made me laugh I used to say marriage is just a piece of paper it didn't mean anything in June of 2013 I was convinced I didn't want this job now I really need that paper because it means me being able to stay legally in the country and be with the man I love and being able to work. I felt like the Universe was laughing at me all this month with the conclusion that I had no idea what I wanted and all that inner peace that I had been fostering moved like jello in an earthquake. But I have not broken.  We spent Christmas with Joel's family I helped cook some side dishes. We baked and decorated cookies with his niece and nephew I understood why my mom loved that tradition so much when you do it with little kids it is the most sugar filled fun time. I got one of my life long gift wishes of the Jack Lalane Juicer and a yoga mat. Needless to say we have been experimenting everyday with a new juice. My favorite so far for flavor is just pure grape juice, for color beet, orange and carrot juice. Least favorite was a combo of all veggies, tasted nasty couldn't even finish it. It is key to mix and fruits with vegetables to match the bitter with the sweet. Instead of going out to a big party we closed out 2013 taking a yacht tour of southern Lima to some practically undisturbed islands that housed 12,000 sea lions. We got to actually jump in and swim with these playful and curious creatures. It was magical they even nibbled on my toes trying to figure out what I was at one point there was about 10 within 2 ft of me and then I had that moment where I realized this wasn't sea world this was mother nature. So the tour guide pulled me slowly backwards so as not to encroach on their territory too much. We saw jellyfish that were 2 meters long, luckily no stings. And the ocean was sooo cold we had to wear full wetsuits. I was taken back by the clear blue of the water that almost looked like the Caribbean only 20 minutes from my house. Champagne and fireworks and the new year begins. By the third day I was thinking that 2014 is starting with so many challenges that I hope it's not setting the tone for the entire year... (paperwork probs) But I made my resolutions in the midst of the chaos that I could not control and concluded that  I would get married, take a family trip, maintain a balance between work and personal life, skype more frequently with friends in USA, yoga twice a week, juice 4 days a week, meditate 3 times a week, train mma twice a week, make 2 new friends, read a book a month, change someone's life and be happy. And the yoga has been such an experience since I have not really had a practice in about 3 years. It was relearning to be flexible, finding deep breathing, pushing myself to develop strength in muscles that I feel only yoga helps you realize you have and being patient with my progress. It is challenging knowing how a position should be and not being able to get into that position. I also got a visit from a friend and former volunteer, it was lovely to reconnect with someone who cares so fervently about development, for a moment I wondered if I needed a master's degree to be able to better work in international development. Though I also realized through our conversations that neither is better they are equal. The time you spend dedicating to one you cannot dedicate to the other. And truly the grass is greener on the other side. I feel that two things are very human thinking that what we don't have is somehow better than our current situation and secondly but still related is greed. Or perhaps the first is a form of greed, the always wanting more. Then I watched parts of the documentary Girls Rising, try to see it if you haven't. It is an inspiring demonstration of girls fighting for their basic rights. And it reminded me of how many opportunities I've had and continue to have as well as reassured me that everything I have is enough. I keep laughing that somehow over 4 years ago the title never let imagined futures determine your present is something I still constantly or daily have to remember in order to remain present.  In 2 weeks we will have to go to Chile for a few days to renew my tourist visa and check out the beaches there. Wishing you all new experiences, health and happiness.

Being Unemployeed

So upon my return from the states it became clear that I for the first time in my life was unemployed. It was a strange realization many things. I was addicted to stress, to having my every minute occupied perhaps my overachiever got so out of control at some point that she took control of my destiny. And so that overachiever was given free time, LOTs of it. I spent these past months sleeping in until 10am, drinking coffee while leisurely reading articles, watching ted talks, taking online courses, reading books, walking the dog, cooking, watching video conferences, studying coaching materials, meditating, training MMA, teaching a few aerobics classes, doing some nutrition counseling, hanging out with the hubby, practicing my coaching skills and eating at delicious restaurants. It was so weird to be able to put things off until tomorrow if I wanted because tomorrow was completely available. It also meant my to do lists took days longer than they probably should have.
It was pretty enjoyable but I kept being haunted by the existential questions that have always bit at my coattail, What is the meaning of life? Am I using my time well? Am I taking advantage of my every opportunity? Am I advancing or am I falling behind? Is this luxury or laziness? Do we work to live or live to work? Is my entire identity held up in my job? Is an unemployed life a meaningless one? Is being a housewife such a bad thing or is it the reason why we so enjoy watching the Housewives shows because it is the recipe for craziness? Isn't it more important who we are as a person and how we treat others than what we do? What does it mean to be successful? And the answers which I think should have been comforting were initially disturbing because they shook my belief system. Many people kept saying I was living the dream. So the dream is to not have to work?
 Maybe I agreed with them until month 4, when I just imploded. I NEED to work, though I did not fail to exist being unemployed I still did not feel that I was reaching my potential, and that nagging feeling began to scratch beyond the surface. It began to dig deep uncovering my survival needs. I do find meaning in meaningful work, I am motivated by recognition and helping others, which led me to apply for a Training position with PC. Yes the PC saga continues. But this time I would get paid, this time I would be a full time staff member, this time would be my first real big girl job. During this whole process I am extremely grateful for my mother and Joel who have put up with the anxiety, the hyperactive learning, the despair of the unknown, the enthusiasm and the exaggeration.
Joel and I went to see the melting glacier and get some much needed mountain air. We went up to 16,404 ft on day one resulting in some altitude sickness but nevertheless beautiful surroundings and pushing the body to it's limitless left the brain on reserve. In the mornings we drank coffee in the sunshine with the view of the snow topped mountains in the evenings tea by the fireplace. We got caught in a rainstorm, bathed in natural hot springs and Joel faced his fear of heights as we  crossed rope bridges and zip lined between canyons hanging 650 ft in the air. It was liberating and refreshing compared to the Lima's many shades of gray.
So I applied and after waiting a month (this was month 4, talk about delayed gratification) I received the phone call that felt like a lifesaver being thrown to pull me back to the real world and reconnect my rejuvenated reels into a familiar system where I could really feel the impact of my input.
It is a position I feel qualified to do and have received so much support from my volunteers who are excited for my return. In January I will officially begin. And it was something I realized on the last day I was in the states that I still had work to be done with PC and then destiny had a way of working itself into a reality. I laugh because I know that really in we don't make any decisions everything happens as it should.
I read the other day that people who live life like a marathon are happier than those who live it as a sprint. I think I had been running myself ragged for the last 12 years and it has been an amazing opportunity to sit down and rest. And it had been a sprint it was always what's next, who cares what I had done even if it was before it's deadline, even before it was ripe. So heading into adulthood and the future I will try to be more aware that this is a marathon, that when one race ends there will always be another, that this is not about winning it is about finishing strong and completing goals.
So cheers to the health and happiness of my family and friends, to finding love, to enjoying the moment, to breathing and eating as means to fulfillment, to saying positive words and committing to positive action, to constantly pondering and just being being enough.

the end of an era

As of July I officially finished being a volunteer and have reintegrated into a "normal life" if you will. I spent a month in America visiting with my mom, grams and uncle. It was lovely to catch up with you all. Another returned volunteer came to visit me in Maryland, the rest of that trip can be summarized by shopping, pedicures, good eats, funny movies and a weird sensation of not having any real responsibilities. Then I headed out to Colorado to reunite with old friends, they are still the same people something I find to be incredibly comforting as our interactions even after many years of separation continues to be effortless. They are all married or getting married, those who have children are good parents, they all seem to work A LOT, and I couldn't be prouder of the group of people I grew up with and how we have all matured and become successful adults. Mom came and met up again in Colorado which was so fun to see her twice and be back in CO we went to Liz's wedding together and took a zumba class (priceless) seriously that for me would be like a MasterCard's advertizement getting to take a zumba class with my mom and her 2 friends and have them rock it, priceless. The rest of the trip was coffee, lakeside amusement park, bachelorette party, good eats, a little bit of mountain love, feeding the ducks at the park, and many great conversations. I also got another tattoo of a lotus flower on my bicep, which means mental and spiritual enlightenment, compassion and a reminder that beauty comes from suffering. It is to represent this past year. Since being back in Lima, I have been training MMA more and helping Joel prepare for his next fight on the 23rd of October. Taking small adventures around Lima since I hadn't really had much time to explore before. I got to get the insiders tour of the zoo we got sooo close to the big cats and the new born white tiger, plus got to touch a giraffe! We have danced in some clubs and on the street concerts, gone out with friends, I am studying coaching materials to be a life coach and have been practicing sessions with some willing participants. There was the annual food festival that we went to twice and ate amazing dishes and a lot of delicious chocolates!!! Joel and I celebrated being together for a year and a half last week, this week one of our students is competing in a fight, I am pretty certain he will win. It is strange to have such an open schedule, but it is nice to sleep in and not be stressed out ever, I started cooking again and it is fun to go to the market buy super fresh ingredients and make masterpieces. It makes the body feel good. I am finding peace with just living life without a job to occupy my every moment, I giggle at the last blog because as is clear all I had previously was time to work and travel for work and worry about work, in the absence of that sometimes it feels like I am not doing anything with my life and other days it feels like I am living the dream. I suppose all is an attitude, I will be taking an online course starting at the end of the month on International Organization Management, I have applied for a position to be a trainer I should be getting an interview sometime in October. Reading my previous blog also makes me feel very qualified for that position so fingers crossed, though I wouldn't start working there until January so the prolonged vacation continues. What I have learned in the last years is that you have to work with love. Success comes easily to those who do what they love because they are willing and interested in dedicating the time, sacrifice, and suffering necessary to advance. Love is the only thing that makes you willing to do anything and everything necessary. But it also makes you feel inspired and happy which inevitably makes you more productive, that kind of positive energy just helps pull more opportunities and the right people in your direction, Secondly you have to know what you want to get what you want. I  told my volunteers to be disgustingly optimistic, and looking back whenever I really wanted something it came to me never directly perse but things came into the periphery and it is a matter of recognizing and appreciating and taking advantage of gifts that are granted. Third, nothing comes how or when you think it will. I feel like most things come in the least convenient times to force you to quit or commit. Because commitments are challenging and you have to fully wholeheartedly dive in and figure it out in the process or completely let it pass. You cannot look back and second guess or regret the decisions you made. Embrace your choices, trust yourself, your gut and looking up. The bigger picture is constantly surrounding and supporting you so long as you look up. Stressed. Look up. Depressed. Look up. When you are 100% other people want to be like you, maybe not exactly like you but your most prominent traits even if controversial traits are what people tend to want to embody. Be you, love you, express yourself fully. The world is a strong censurer it tells many lies. Be honest with yourself and others so you will be able to walk freely and move lightly. Believe in lost causes nothing is truly a lost cause. That is how miracles pop out of thin air. Believing in the impossible allows you to be happily surprised. Constructive criticism even if offensive in a first instance helps people grow when they are ready to understand and assimilate what is really being said and not what they think is being said. I am tough, I embellished it in my youth, I toned it down in college and I finished exactly where I started in elementary school. I believe I am as tough as I need to be to be able to do what is needed for others. You have to have values and live by them. Be consistent part of being consistent is knowing who you are and not pretending, imitating, faking. Oh and have fun because being tough and having values does not make you serious well at least maybe that is how others perceived it 2 years ago when I was described as intense but life is about living, having fun and enjoyment. Perhaps looking for stability is silly trying to make everything stop to stabilize is limiting to what things could be if you stabilize you are really just staying. You stay at the same comfortable place, you stop your growth, you don't change, you become stagnant. Joel says flow all the time. That's best if you try to hold on to anything you can't move, you cannot line up with the universe because everything is in constant motion. Even when you meditate or center yourself what you are doing is embracing the way that your energy and blood flow through your body so effortlessly. I love when he says our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, all of these are who we are. So we have to be aware of our thoughts because we are what we think. I began to seriously believe this point. Thoughts that are positive or negative grow accordingly. Either they are exponentially fruitful or exceedingly toxic when they become actions or acts. That is how you create your life either put together or destructive. 

Its almost over

Hello All,
I wish I could be more diligent about writing but sometimes life just takes over, or the last thing I want to do at the end of the day is to stare at a computer screen. So even though it is too many months past here is the update. March was filled with business trying to get ready for a training and getting all the regional coordinators informed on our new project framework. The newly defined and focused goals and objectives for our program are a great improvement. Now instead of focusing so much on the family's infrastructures we are looking at the direct advances of the kids nutrition and development. We are less focused on using indicators like the number of people trained or information related indicators and much more focused on the practices and ensuring improvements in the child's mental and physical development. Following the training I was off to Piura to do supervisions of some volunteer's projects. They are all doing a good job and we focused on strenghtening their organization and M&E skills. It was really cool to get to spend some time with them and help them be more effective or just give them positive feedback. I took advantage to head to La Matanza for a few hours get a nice lunch and catch up with some friends. To my surprise many people had gotten married and had their first baby really exciting to see how everyone was growing up.Then I took a vacation with Joel at the end of the month to celebrate Holy week we went to one of the world's biggest catholic celebrations. They had beautiful processions, created huge works of art on the streets made out of flowers, dancing at night with fireworks and running with the bulls. It was a lot of fun during the days we took advantage to go hiking we visited some preincan ruins, a cave where supposedly the first man lived in the americas, a waterfall and a rock forest. One day we were completely rained on which was freezing at the altitude but the fresh air and gorgeous scenery really helped us relax. In April, I headed to Cajamarca for a week to continue doing supervisions it was my first time to that area and the altitude definitely made it much more challenging to keep up with the hiking. After helping some people get on track in terms of our new framework I took my last day before returning to Lima having a delicious lunch, dipping in the hot springs and after almost 48 hours of traveling in buses and combis on dusty rocky roads I treated myself to a much needed massage. While in lima continued training 3 days a week and got ready for mom's visit. On the 24th Joel fought the current champion of Ecuador as the main event here in Lima, he unfortunately lost and was left needing stitches in the back of the head and behind his ear. It was the most terrifying moment to date to watch the person you love getting battered and then laying unconscious. So we spent a few hours in the ER getting all stitched up, certainly a learning experience. He is taking a few months to recover and will be probably fighting again in July needless to say I will be much more nervous for his next fight. Then mom came to town we went to the beaches in the south and checked out spots to have the wedding ceremony, then we went to PAracas and saw the mini galapagos of sea lions, birds and penguins. Amazing day out on the boat and in general fun trip to be able to share time with Joel and my mom. Mother approved thank goodness! We celebrated my 26th birthday with a haircut, pedicure, museum visit, thai food and some great drinks with exotic fruits. The next day we checked out an archaeological site also preincan civilization and closed out a fun trip with a gourmet lunch. Thanks Mom for coming down. And then back to preparations for another training event. Unexpectedly I was asked to travel to Chiclayo for more supervisions. Followed by another trip back to Piura we spent a week training volunteers, this time I was a facilitator for the behavior change session and helping with the project design and management section after 5 days of talking in strong voice for at least 4 hours a day I was left with a very hoarse voice. Following the training which felt very successful and up to date in terms of ALL the changes we have in the program in work style and priorities I was off to La Matanza again for a day and a half visiting with old friends and taking a short break before heading back to the City life of Lima. It seems like I brought the sun back with me thank goodness because I am not ready for the winter and 6 months of gray skies to begin. I am here for a week getting ready for our NEXT training event in 1 week where we will head to Ancash. So basically lots of traveling getting to see some new places and help volunteers become more effective. I will have June to close out my service and leave everything saved in the computer systems and hopefully in volunteer knowledge and practice to be able to form the following group that should be arriving in September. Oh how time flies, Joel and I are completing soon 1 year of living together. Every month is closer to the end of service I have bought my plane tickets home for July 2, going to CO on July 14 and heading back to Peru on August 2. People keep asking me what is next and to be honest I have not had the time to reflect very much on it, I would like to learn Portuguese, get married, get my residency and then go from there. Beyond that I suppose look for a job or start developing my nutrition business. It seems too hard to think that far into the future as so many things must happen first. I know it is only 2 months away really but the to do list in front of me is so long I can even look up. I can only trust whatever comes will come and it will be good because I will always work hard and do a good job. Sending love and cannot wait to see all of you so SOON!

update

For New Year´s We went out dancing and toasted champagne. Dakar which is a famous car race throughout the world was right in our backyard, so we got to check out all the cars, motos, trucks and quatrimotos. The race lasts 20 days and started in Lima and finished in Argentina, 4 drivers died. It was super intense, and I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to ride on uncharted terriotory through the desert for 20 days. It was pretty neat to see. Then I finally learned how to surf, it only took me 3 tries to get up on the board and ride the wave. I really enjoyed the high you get riding the waves. It was kind of like the first time I learned how to stand up on a snowboard. But way more work I really respect more surfers and how physically demanding of a sport it is. We celebrated Joel´s 35 birthday going out to dinner with his sister and brother in law, I bought him new boxing gloves from thailand. And because during the summer time the office hours end at 12pm on Fridays I spent the majority of weekends out on the beach with my coworkers. Nothing overly exciting has been going on with my volunteers. Though we have been doing some staff development trainings in the office which have been interesting. Joel went to fight in Brasil, unfortunately he did not win but it was a huge deal and opened doors to future oportunities. I continue to train 3 days a week and have started somewhat of a movement. We now have 10 other girls who started to train as well, and each week another girl comes. I think that we are going to develop this sport and finally have some competition of girls. Last night, history was made as Ronda Ramsey and Liz Komuch fighting in the UFC for the first time women fighting in the UFC and even more exciting as the main event. This is an opportunity and an advance in the sport and serves as a motivation to keep training. In Febraury more beach time and going out dancing. Lots of meetings in work making plans for the next 2 years of work. On the weekends we have been taking care our pitbull Leya. She is beautiful and 2 years old. We are teaching her how to play frisbee which some days she does very well and other days she just wants to eat it. Life has been pretty relaxed in the last 2 months. We hosted a seminar where one of the most famous coaches in MMA came from Brasil and did a 5 hour training. It was well organized and had a good turn out. I participated as well and it was really incredible to learn from someone with so much experience and talent. Him and his wife were lovely people and it was reassuring to see a couple that had made an empire of gyms and a life out of training fighters. I have decided to finish sooner my service and will be back stateside for 4th of July, some birthdays and for Liz´s wedding on the 21st. I will head back to Peru no longer a volunteer as of August. It is weird to think that I will no longer be part of this organization and at the same time I feel that my passion has started to wain in the presence of inadequate, short sighted, spineless leadership. It is also terrifying to not have that safety nedt and security of what you are doing and having someone else tell you what to do, when and how to do it. But I continue to try to respect that the future is the present. So that my anxiety does not consume me and prevent me from enjoying all the good things that are happening in the present.
For 2013 I suppose my goals have much to do with these really cool messages that I have been finding painted on walls in the streets or in restaurants and cafes.The 7 advices of Rumi:
1)Be like the river in generosity and helping others
2) Be like the sun in compassion and grace
3) Be like the night in concealing others faults
4) Be like the dead in anger and fury
5) Be like the soil in modesty and humility
6) Be like the ocean in tolerance
7) Either you appear as you are or be as you appear
These seem like really solid concepts to live life by and to bring you happiness.

news

Since my last post big things have been in the making. The old group of voluteers left the new group is swore in and gone to their sites. This week we are celebrating the half way mark of the second group in their one year conference. In the past few months I have been exploring more of Lima taking days at the sauna, trying out new restaurants, visiting beaches and different dance clubs. I finished my work at the Direction of Health and have begun to work for the Ministry of Development and Social inclusion whose work focuses on eradicating poverty, increasing gender equality, decreasing malnourishment, improving education and early childhood stimulation and giving an equal opportunity to succeed in this country to all its countrymen. It is a very exciting perspective full of great ideas and theories that we just have to figure out how to make work. When you are working in places like the jungle there are girls as young as 12 years old getting pregnant, in the mountains there is ridiculously high amounts of malnutrition people living above 14,000 ft with limited access to safe water, food, health and education services. Trying to resolve those sorts of issues and getting all of the different organizations governmental and non to work together in these common themes. Needless to say there is much work to be done each day I have worked there I spend 7 hours reading through countless documents attempting to get the hang of all the policies and processes and interventions that are in place and figure out how I am going to influence them. In mid October I traveled to the south a bit in Huancavelica to visit some volunteer's sites and run a training for the new volunteers. It was great to get back to the campo, covered in dirt and animal poop and working with community members. They have such a wonderful hospitality and sense of humor. When I got back from that trip Joel had his 7th professional MMA fight which he won! And to my surprise during his victory speech called me down to the ring and proposed marriage to me. I quite rosy cheeked tried not to fall down the flight of stairs to the ring and accepted. That weekend he then took me out for drinks at a trendy bar, dinner out on the pier and proposed again in a more private manner. We celebrated with champagne and dancing.  We are planning on having the first ceremony on a beach in southern Lima January 2014. Right now we are just enjoying the engagement and have time to plan a simple but definitely fun event. Sometime after in 2014 we will have a second ceremony in Colorado for all those who cannot make it down to Peru. I am still training 3 days a week and hopefully will have my first MMA fight in January I am going to compete in the National Wrestling Championship in January as well. In November I headed off to Arizona to spend time with my mom for a week Spaing and mediating on life and as usual getting silly and enjoying each others company. Thanks mom for a beautiful trip! I also shopped til I dropped but am now looking much more put together as I have transitioned from the juniors section to the woman section of the stores. Ekk! But it had to happen at some point and I now struggle much less in the mornings as I have so many options. I was also the maid of honor in my friends Karl and Theresa's Wedding. It was great to be a part of something that I schemed up 4 years ago when I set up my college roommate with my chemistry professor they thought it would never work and with a little insistence they are a great pair enjoying being newly weds. While I was in the states Joel when off to fight in a major event in South America in Paraguay where he won again! Though it was nice to be back for a visit I feel very comfortable with my life in Peru. It is most certainly challenging being far from family and friends but I feel a happiness and a sense of purpose here that I never felt in the states. They say the world may end on the 21st of this month so I would like to say I love you all with all my heart and soul. I appreciate so much the support you continue to give me in all that I do and all the influence that you guys had over the years shaping me into who I am. I wish to leave you with this reflection because if the world does not end what is undeniable is that the human race is using resources scandalously and consuming excessively everything. Be mindful and grateful for what you have because "If you have food in your fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of the world. If you have money in your bank, in your wallet, and some spare change you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy. If you woke up this morning with health than illness you are more blessed than the million people who will not survive this week. IF you have never experienced the danger of battle, the agony of imprisonment and torture or the horrible pangs of starvation you are luckier than 500 million people living in suffering. If you can read this message you are more fortunate than 3 billion people in the world who cannot read at all." As Christmas rolls around be thoughtful about what you truly need and all that you already have. If you do not want to donate to a cause http://donate.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate if not do some charity work but not just during the month of december but throughout the year. There is need everywhere. Helping people makes you happier. Merry xmas and a happy new year.

If only there were more hours in the day

Well thanks to my mother I realize now that I have not posted in almost two months. Sorry. I should really schedule it into my planner so that I get at least one post a month. So Lima life has been really busy. Starting where I left off. I did not get to go to Cajamarca because the conflicts while they improved did not get better soon enough. People are protesting that a new mine open because they fear it will contaminate their water. In other parts of the country the doctors and teachers are striking because they are not getting paid enough or on time. These strikes result in the shutting down of most institutions and sometimes highways. In Lima there have been transportation strikes which makes getting to work a nightmare. But none of that is really new its kind of a constant thing here. I have been training MMA three days a week I am in the best shape of my life and having a lot of fun lowering my stress. I have a lot of potential and am really quite good. I hope to start competing before the year is out. The hard part is finding girls to compete with but they are slowly but surly coming out of the wood work. Each class is a warm up, push ups, jumping jacks, crunchies, leaps, rolls, and running. Followed by 30 minutes of learning submission, boxing, kicking, take down or wrestling techniques and then 10 minutes of sparring at the end of the class. I have recently been gifted a new pair of muay thai boxing gloves from Thailand. There are super nice. At least once a week I work with a punching bag and the other days I work with a partner. I completed 6 months with my boyfriend Joel things are amazing and it is so interesting to get to see what a real and serious and functional relationship is like. These past months we have gone to quite a few fighting events, out dancing, to art and food festivals, to the beach, parades, to break dancing events, to china town and to museums. Things are going very well. Speaking of relationships Jordyn got married Congratulations and Liz and Cari are setting dates for their weddings as well. Who knows maybe I will be next... In work I have gotten a sort of promotion working with the Ministry of Health because I moved up a level in the office I am working at. Instead of writing interventions and monitoring tools I am now developing educational materials mostly related to nutrition and revising other materials that are being developed. I review for quality, easiness to understand, formatting, marketing appeal while also editing surveys and other evaluation tools. Of the materials I wrote they printed out 5,000 handouts of one, 2,000 trifold handouts of another and made 2,000 flip charts that will be used for education in parents and teachers as a means to prevent obesity, overweight and anemia in East Lima. It was so exciting to see something that I made turn into a material that would be distributed on a large scale. I went back to my site the end of August which was a nice time to see my host family and friends. Though it definitely feel like my life in Lima has outgrown my life in La Matanza. It is crazy to think that almost a year has passed and how much faster everything happens in big cities. Everything there remains the same, same parties, same drama, same people, same thing different day. It was sunshine, ceviche, dancing, sleep, eat, drink, repeat. Happy Birthday to Grams and Sally. I sent you something in the mail Grams not sure if it ever got to you but all the same miss you, love you heard you had an entertaining time. I will be sending your Bday and Xmas gifts with Mom in November. Keep your spunk on! The old volunteer group is heading out in November. While another group just arrived in September there are 29 new ones. For the moment we are managing about 80. Which is why I have not been able to catch up. For the old group we had a conference and have to see out all the paperwork before they leave, for the second group that almost completes a year we have to edit their reports, grants, visit and advise them and plan their mid service conference. For the new group we have to run trainings, plan trips, do interviews, set up sites and host families and socios, in general it is trying to remember a million things. And if that was not enough we are changing our program framework so we have been busy editing and writing and rewriting and evaluating the framework so that we can start implementing a more effective and reliable framework as of November. And then well I was offered my job again. No one presented for the position which put my boss in a sort of compromising situation because it would have implied that there not be a coordinator. So in a strange chain of events me and my best friend here who also works in Lima are staying on for 4th years. It was not a very challenging decision I am learning so much, computer skills, leadership skills, planning and evaluating skills, diplomacy (even if I rarely practice it). Professionally and personally I am maturing through the process. And well I am the momma hen for all my chicks that I have to take care of. So in general there has been a really positive response from my volunteers that have said that they are eternally grateful that I am not abandoning them. It is a truly special thing this position watching people grow up and face their struggles, find their patience, their peace, overcoming adversity, facing their fears, finding what it means to "develop" and what is "sustainable" or "effective."  How do you define "failure" or "success"? And maybe our failure is actually the catalyst for something bigger than we even imagined. Somewhere in all of it they find the new them and lose the parts that are better left behind. They do really change people's lives and contribute more than just a grain of rice. They discover that no one can change the world, that perhaps the world does not have to or want to be saved. That you can only help people who want to be helped and when it comes to behavior change every single person including themselves is almost impossible to change. That the change has to come from the community and community members and that the volunteer is just a step in the long term process that we consider progress.At the end they realize what was really important are the relationships and not the projects, the during and not the results, the effort and example and not perfection. So the story of Peru continues.  I am happy, after my yearly physical today I can say I am 100% healthy, I am exploring new talents. I hope you all wish me the best as I continue this journey. I bought a camera so I promise to start posting more pictures and I will be sure to get better about my blog. I love you all very much.

on the road again

Because as I had gotten back from Piura I unpacked only to repack my bags and go to Ancash to spend 10 days climbing around 10 different communities supervising volunteers working in the highlands of the Andes. I took what is supposedly voted one of the most dangerous roads in the world for ten hours on windy roads with a beautiful view of the highest mountain of Peru for the majority of the trip. It is incredible to see the dedication of volunteers in a zone where the community speaks the local dialect Quechua and they have had to learn a bit of that language or use translators to be able to work, where mothers are illiterate and have not completed elementary school. They face the challenges of altitude, harsh sun, freezing weather and isolation. But they are also seriously provoking development in these areas. I was waking up each day at 5 am to be able to catch the only transportation of the day up to these really remote towns, huffing and puffing with a lack of oxygen and getting wind chapped and sunburnt each day. I visited a kid whose site made me cry. It was just soo far out and he can only walk in and out 4 hours to get to the nearest city. Rough life. Then I had to hike off to the next towns at least an hour and a half with my backpack early in the mornings. Gorgeous scenery and inspired by the success that each of the volunteers have and their positive attitudes I could not even really feel the fatigue. But then I got literally 125 flea bites in one night and was suffering for the rest of the trip and accidentally left fleas in my friend's bed when I went to see her. In my last visit I saw the most unreal situation where people are still living in like 1920 and 80% of the population was chronically malnourished and had the hardest time fathoming how that sort of living situation could still exist. But the community was like 4 hours up and back completely isolated and the health worker commented that people slept with their pigs. It was the first time I saw what I considered to be even more extreme than extreme poverty. When I got back to Lima I started training 3 days a week learning Mixed Marcial Arts so I am in the best shape of my life possibly. My friend's grandparents came to visit so I had some lovely meals and took in some of the tourist attractions like getting to go to a place that does the traditional dances of Peru which made me wish that I could work there as a dancer. We had the most entertaining taxi ride where her grams was hitting on the driver and since she spoke a little spanish and her husband didnt she was flirting pretty shamelessly. She sang him songs and told the driver that my friend and I were dating the grandpa and she was single. The driver said her grandpa looked like Hue Heffner making us girls the playboy bunnies. The rest of the night her grandfather was speaking in Italian to my boyfriend who was trying to speak english and I kept translating everything in spanish. Somewhere lost in translation we learned a little of each language but we all enjoyed going salsa dancing together. Work is normal. Then out of the blue this girl that I used to do yoga with in Ft collins started working in Lima as a volunteer too. So we have been enjoying coffee dates and getting a new perspective on development as she did her service in Paraguay. Then I was back off to Trujillo to visit another volunteer got my hands dirty again working with cement and we got stuck walking 2 hours in rain down the mountain. Man sometimes I wonder how we make it through as volunteers we get inhumanly strong and nerves unshakable you see that all that matters at the end of the day is getting the job done, solve a problem and keep solving until it is fixed no second guessing yourself no wishing things were different. Within 48 hours back to Lima then off to vacations. I went to the Amazon Jungle for like a week we took a 10 hour boat ride deep into the Jungle where there were only 5 communities in total the majority with less than 100 people and house on stilts with palm tree roofs and no electricity. In the night time we would go looking for animals we saw sloths, monkies, pink dolphins, grey dolphins, crocodiles, countless birds, frogs, tarantulas and big bugs. It was incredibly relaxing and you completely disconnect from the outside world no cell phone service no stores. Taking showers in the river or in tropical rain storms hanging out in the hammock. We went hiking during the day and at night time with flash lights in search of wildlife. We saw the world's largest cockroaches. We drank water from tree roots we collect fruit and climbed up huge trees using electrician techniques we mucked through the mud and shin deep waters. During the day we would  We had to go fishing to get lunch and caught piranhas and other fish. You would have been proud Uncle Bill I taught a girl how to fish and she ended up catching more than anyone. She was surprised a city girl knew how to fish. I said it was the many trips and lessons you had given me. Happy Birthday! Getting back into the city we got to go to a butterfly farm, a monkey island where I got jumped on and bit not bad enough to break the skin but still crazy, we saw in the rescue center a jaguar and other wild cats plus I got to feed and touch manatees. It was a really beautiful trip and not too hot the food could have been better but we did harvest heart of palm and ate it in salads amazing that canned stuff does no justice. It was much needed relaxing. Now I am back in Lima with no serious plans to travel because my trip to Cajamarca was cancelled for the conflicts that are happening there hopefully I will be able to get out there in August to visit the volunteers everyone is safe but it makes working impossible as everyone is on strike and sometimes EVERYTHING is close highways, schools, health centers, municipalities, stores, everything. But on the big news front I did move into a new apartment the 5th and top floor with a sweet balcony and ocean view (sort of) and more space a lovely kitchen and a big comfy bed. It is such a better situation than the small room that was worse than mom's cave. so happy! well thats all for now back to work, training and probably not to far in the future more traveling. Be well. Have fun Uncle Bill glad to hear about the changes you have made.

I was traveling

Sorry friends for my abandonment of this blog. I have been busier than I could even want to explain and traveling perhaps too much. Ok so here it goes in more or less chronological order. I got back from Trujillo and started to Train health professionals here about how to talk about sex with youth and actually be entertaining enough to have teens listen to you and not make fun of you. It went over ridiculously well, which as you all know is surprising because my track record with trying to improve health professionals in this country had been kind of like getting punched in the teeth. BUT this time everyone was really receptive, asking questions, participating and really bright eyed and bushy tailed. I guess in Lima people realize that they need to be trained and that I am not threatening but rather a solution. It was awesome. On another positive note I had started dating a man named Joel the ultimate fighter I mentioned in the previous blog. More dates, dancing, traveling to beaches, conversations and loads of fun. Then IT was back to preparing for the next two major training events of the volunteers: logistics, making manuals, coordinating, budgeting and managing problems. Volunteers have been dropping out like flies I do not understand it but hey not everyone is committed. So rebounding from that negativity the team was loaded with responsibility because my boss went off to Europe for a month. And as it was Holy week here vacation was to be done I took my homage to my site to hang out with my host family and friends. It was really beautiful to get to finally get back to my roots and relax with people that treat me well and care for me. Lima is not a very cordial place. What can you expect it is a major city. So in my small town gossip got around that I was pregnant with my ex boyfriend's baby. So funny. It figures they would not have thought I would have come back. Good eats I think I ate like 5 to 6 meals a day and everyone kept commenting on how I was such a malnourished child now.  I have lost weight but how could you not if you stop eating 6 times a day. From Piura back to lima got to go to see a few fighting events Muay Thai and then a world boxing championship front row seats. Man there are benefits to knowing a person that can get you into these things for free. It was a scene straight off of ESPN literally they were there and Peru won so everyone went crazy. It is the first time there is a Peruvian male boxing world champion. SO exciting to watch. Then I headed back to Piura 2 weeks later for a technical training for the volunteers followed by me doing supervisions in the mountains. The roads were needless to say sketchy but the landscapes worthwhile and the people so nice. It was interesting to get to see how other volunteers are managing their projects and see the change they are provoking in these towns. Plus it served to help them better their techniques and organization. One of the girls told me I was like super nanny coming in a fixing all the problems and nice and that everyone cried when I had to leave. It was a great compliment and made me feel like this position I have could be rewarding. Then back to Lima for a week to celebrate my birthday I went to a yoga community on the northern beach of Lima with my boyfriend everything ecological and organic it was interesting they use solar energy. Food was soooo good pictures on facebook. Any who, 25 seems to be going alright so far. Nothing as extraordinary as I had anticipated but then again I thought my whole world would implode as I entered what I consider to be irrevocably adulthood. Shiver. Then I headed up north to do another supervision in Chiclayo I had to cross a river by foot it was pretty entertaining. My job is so far off the beaten path I literally have to beat the path just to figure out where my Volunteers are. Then up to my old site for the second round of technical trainings. I got the opportunity to work with the mayor and the municipality again helping them to do another improved cook stove project and the nutrition project we did last year. They will be working with another 100 malnourished kids using the same design I provided them last year. Sustainable! Yes! It was so hot I came back to Lima 4 shades darker and covered with mosquito bites. So where in all this traveling, stress and heavy lifting I sprained my back. So the last days of the training I was trying to get things done without being able to pick up more than 10 lbs. Sucked. Met up with a doctor and got some muscle relaxants and antiinflammatories. He told me to lay on a beach for 7 days. I laughed in his face. He made me promise some days in bed. I said I would try. Then back to Lima I did stay in bed for the good part of 3 days except for there was this awesome arts festival that closed down the streets of Lima and covered the street with artwork from all over the country and on the buildings they played movies and light shows there was an electronic concert so I had to dance a little. Or a lot. It was incredible to be able to be dancing in a street that normally I am trying not to get smashed by a combi or a taxi. It would be like closing down the streets of new york city. So fun and interesting. This week I have been working half days so that my back can get better faster and realistically because my brain was starting to explode from the pressure of time constraints and seat belts. Next week, I am off to do supervisions for 9 days in the Andes of Ancash. Ancash is probably the most beautiful department of all of Ancash. After may finishes I should be much calmer and staying in Lima or traveling for VACATION instead of WORK. But hey I did say I wanted a job that pays me to travel and it is what I got. Thank you universe. Also Happy Mothers Day and I love you grams thanks to you and my mother for making me stubborn, independent, confident, resilient and trail blazing. I am out here doing good things for people who truly need it because of the influence you have on me. Love you both dearly and carry you with me where I go. And also congrats to Cari she is now engaged to her long time boyfriend. Guess that leaves well just me...

Trainings

So work is going well, if non stop busy but great. In my one job we just finished a training with the volunteers where I got one good beach day in and it was so funny because my friend spent it throwing dead fish at me I told her how dangerous and unhygienic it is but well hygiene is not her finer suit. In which case I thought that I had found a dead crab and picked it up and was mocking her with it when I realized it was still alive and shaking its claws at her as well. One the day we arrived there was also some random event about how we should take care of the ocean and they had this sort of aerobic latin dance class outside and there was a huge crowd of people watching and we could not help ourselves so we jumped in a sweated off all the salt and sunscreen. Then we spent three days inside training and escaping to sun bathe at every chance we could. I got to do some activities and presentations and felt really confident about the abilities that I have to train. It was interesting getting to know the new group of workers and see how their first months are going in their sites and how emotion those first months can be. Then there was a bunch of drama in another area and it is still unresolved so as usual it feels like we are constantly juggling like a 100 balls high in the air at the same time and hoping that none falls. As we wrapped up a successful event we already have to have the next one ready which will be happening next month but all the budgets and plans have to be turned in 6 weeks in advance. There is no procrastination. Boo. As a result of the stress and perhaps the changes in my sleep schedule and eating habits I got sick at on the third day of training with bacterial pharyngitis. Ill terrible and forced to sleep for like 2 days straight and take antibiotics. Lets see in my other job we have completely revamped the way that they are doing health promotion and standardized their interventions that they do in schools and the work they are doing with families. It is incredible but has required a lot of making documents and lesson plans and educative materials. So necessary. These past weeks and upcoming 2 involve trainings of a long list of people on how to use these tools and techniques that I have brought some of which I have personally developed. If this works I will be able to feel personally responsible for having provoked changes in statistics. I have been dancing quite a bit which has reduce my stress levels immensely not to mention that I met an ultimate fighter that has his own gym and I have been training with him. He says that I hit harder than any girl he has ever trained with and if I could dedicate 3 days a week in the gym that I would be able to get good enough to compete which I would LOVE but doubt that I have the time considering next month and all the following months I will be traveling two weeks out of each month. Those types of interruptions make it impossible to stay up to shape and develop a solid technique and endurance, so no worries I will not be getting beat up. It was probably the first time I have worked out in over 2 years and I literally left pools of sweat. Talk about cleansing. However, I think that if I would work out regularly and get a more regular eating habit my immune system would get better. I really cannot afford to be sick all the time. It makes you work at half speed. There are fun concerts to go to here and summer still means beach visits on the weekends. There is quite a bit to be explored in terms of cultural events and architecture, history and anthropology in Lima and right outside of the city there are many places to explore. Although I have yet to do much I am thinking that perhaps if I schedule it in each weekend I will be able to experience a bunch more. Optimistic and living life the the fullest. I would like to congratulate my friend Molly Pond on her recent marriage and send my wishes of joy and fulfillment in the new stage of your life. love yall.

Carnaval

Well last year it was paint fights this year was a bit different we went to Huancavelica it was a very sad place if you ask me. It was freezing they had hot springs that did not were not even hot and rain and we would go to bed at like 8 pm because it would just be too cold to stay out. We had specifically come to this place as a means to participate in their traditional carnaval celebration only to arrive and find out that because of the rains they had recently had the celebration had been canceled. Mind you I thought that was impossible to have happen because it is like sacred party season. So my friend Emma and I decided to travel to another small town even higher up on a windy road. This department was know for being one of the coldest and highest at 3800 meters above the sea. And you definitely feel it walking up a hill as you begin to sweat profusely and your heart feels like it is going to jump out of your chest. So we are on this road to this small town and I am figuring that it is going to be rainy because we are in the rainy season but as we pass through these windy hillsides full of llamas it starts to SNOW. It is the first time I have seen snow in all my travels and I start laughing because neither of us have brought clothes for this kind of weather. We get there and have a lovely meal at the gastronomic fair they are having and then hang out in the plaza waiting for the parades to start. People are throwing buckets of water and water balloons and flour all over the place. Within an hour we are drenched in both and surely able to make cookies later with our coatings. Then there is the rain and dancing in the rain and hours of singing and dancing and merriment in the streets. There is a tradition where a group of people dance around a tree that is strung up with prizes and each couple gets a chance to chop it down and then everyone runs in and rips off all the prizes it is questionably dangerous but super fun to watch. By 8 pm we are once again in bed trying not to freeze to death. It proceeds to rain all through the night which means we had to leave because if it kept raining the roads would have been in too bad of shape to travel out on. We are in the car and the road that yesterday was smooth and in good shape is now filled with huge pot holes and slippery. We get to a tunnel and the mud is shin deep the car slips and we have the front right tire hanging over the cliff, you could feel the balancing point I swing open the door and my friend is literally on my lap trying to jump out I grab her because otherwise the shift in weight would have made the car go over. I have never been so terrified she begins to cry I am laughing as a nervous reaction. We make it down fine though shaken. We go to a different department called Huancayo to be able to avoid the risk of landslides on the roads blocking us into Huancavelica. It is raining again but we are on highway so no big deal. There is this beautiful park we spend the afternoon at it taking pics and then try on the traditional wear. After dinner we run into a Marinera dance competition of adults and youth. Amazing to watch. The following day we take a tour of the surrounding towns some ruins, a lagoon, and pass through some towns that are celebrating carnaval there is a huaylas dance competition so the majority of people are dressed out in these elaborately sewen with bright yarn of greens, yellows, and hot pinks. We visit an archeology museum and drink out of some supposed fountain of youth. Then it is back to Lima I moved into my own room now it is nice to have my own space decorated my own way and more than anything my own bed. Work is in full madness as we have one training after another coming up session planning, budgeting, coordinating, buying and organizing the necessary materials. And in my other job in San Juan de Lurigancho we are planning their work for the year in health promotion which entails designing the sessions or intervention they will being doing in schools and getting their people trained on a more effective style of teaching as well as developing monitoring and evaluation tools for their healthy families projects. Even though my vacation was not the best I have ever had it was still a good time to get some perspective on life and to give my brain a break. I will be trying to dedicate more time to myself reading books I like and building some friendships I started exercising again trying to get ready for this Mixed Martial Arts class I would like to take but realistically I am so out of shape right now for that, not overweight but just no endurance and pretty little strength since I almost never workout in this country. It felt great training the other day even though I am still sore. Long way to go. Perhaps at the end of March I will be able to start those classes. I am a bit sick right now so I spent all day doing nothing. It was nice actually. I think I will have at least one day each month of not working or doing chores or doing necessarily anything or leaving the house just me my bed, pjs, books, naps and snacks. Tomorrow I think I am going to try Parasailing or something of that sort. That's all for now.

Life in Lima

Well it has certainly been a large changing living here in Lima, everything is faster, noisier, lots of traffic, contamination, filth and people are not so kindly as they were in the countryside. The days at work here require punctuality and having to work on the computer all day long. There are constant deadlines and upcoming events. But so far I think I a fairing pretty well, I found a cute apartment that is nearby a bunch of parks and on the bus lines to get to work. I have been editing and reviewing grants that will soon be funded, read through and given advice to volunteers on their work progress, done phone interviews, and a constant flow of developing materials for trainings that will be held next month. It is a lot of emails, answering questions, providing resources, getting people in touch with the right people, and making critiques. All around I feel confident in my abilities and am doing a pretty good job. Then I also have to work 2 days a week in a district that has 1 million people high rates of HIV, Tuberculosis, Anemia, teen pregnancy, domestic violence, etc. My work there I feel is more useful because if I succeed with only 1% of the population I have the opportunity to affect 10,000 people. Anyways, I work as a consultant for the in charges of all the health posts and centers on health promotion. It entails me going to meetings, evaluating their policies and promotion programs or techniques and giving suggestions on how to change their formats and trainings to be more effective. I am very hopeful with the work because I am working at an administrative and management level of the health system and whatever suggestions I have made thus far have been ready accepted and implemented. So basically up until now my whole life is work long hours, coming home fairly brain dead and exhausted but feeling still satisfied with what I am doing because I sincerely believe it is changing a much larger percentage of people's lives. The work that I do with the volunteers allows me to influence and improve the work that they are doing and that means that I have influence over up to 60 communities and in terms of the other job I am doing well that is the largest district in all of latin america so I would say things are definitely stepping up. I feel happy with the relationship so far with my boss in the office I can tell that she purposefully gives me certain responsibilities as a means to develop me further as a professional. My social life is slowly developing itself yet there is little time that I can or want to dedicate to going out I hope to find some cultural events to attend. Though on the weekends my roommate and I have made it to the beach every week as a means to sunbathe and relax and read books. And soon we will be headed to celebrate carnaval in a different department called Huancavelica. It seems so weird to me that within an hour you can be in a place of such dire poverty and an hour in the other direction you are in million dollar apartment facilities. Or in the beach towns it is a million dollar home on one side of the highway and a shanty house on the other side of the highway. It is so frustrating to see this inequality I cannot imagine how it makes those people that are living in poverty feel. Anywho, seems like it will be a year of personal and more so professional development there are many trips and vacations and concerts planned for the future. These first months I think have just been a big adapting phase. But a good news was I received a phone call from my old town and they are continuing this year the nutrition project I designed and implemented last year so there is still hope that the southern part of my old district will recover all the malnourished kids. I am so proud. Things I have to say are going really well and challenging without a doubt but so worth while. Hope all is well.

months later

Opps, well terribly sorry that I have not written in months but life has been crazy out of control so backing up a bit. I finished my nutrition project which was a huge success in terms of being able to recover malnourished children in the short period of four months i can only hope that these improvements continue for the rest of those children's lives. There were significant improvements in children's heights, reactiveness, and overall immune system. The last month in site was a lot of meetings and presentations about the work that I had done and the recommendations for the future work that needs to be done in my site. In short summary-
November: lots of work and meetings, closing of projects, running another training for the new volunteers in my site, my town's anniversary and all the events of the month that entails, lots of dancing and partying and saying goodbye and only tears the last day that I was leaving because that was what we had all agreed upon.
December: move to lima, start training for my new job, week long meeting with one of the groups of volunteers, just trying to get a grasp of what an office job is like, working on a computer the majority of the day, learning the ropes of new computer programs, getting to know my new office companions, and then going back to the states, xmas with my mom and grams in baltimore.
January: Went to colorado for new years, concerts, 2 new tattoos, endless coffee and visits with all the old partners in crime, some amount of drama, good movies and eats. Return to peru to officially begin job. Yesterday moved into my new apt which is small but nice and cheap and has everything included in a really safe and calm neighborhood and lots of plants all over the place. Soooo happy that we got that all worked out. Went to meet with my country partner organization where i will be working sort of like a health administrator evaluating their current health promotion activities and techniques and making them better and training people and developing better systems it is a place that manages 1 million people and is the largest district in all of peru, if I can succeed with anything there it could make a huge different in the lives of thousands. Very big opportunity. This whole year really seems like such a big opportunity.
Now that is all caught up... It was the most gratifying experience of my life these last two years. I think I have matured quite a bit and got a lot out if it many people asked me how I had changed and to put it into words on the spot was difficult so I will instead share a journal entry of mine from November that I feel captures everything I could have possibly wanted to express:
2 weeks notice is usually what one gives to their job when they are quitting or leaving. 2 weeks has always been more than sufficient time to wrap up work, say insincere goodbyes, eat cake and pack up. I keep hearing el mundo da vueltas, but for me it feels a lot closer to what goes around comes around. As I begin the anxiety attack of the year, I cannot seem to grasp the idea that this bed, this room, this image, this importance, this richness in poverty, this lifestyle is all about to come to an abrupt halt. I was so terrified and bitter when I first came here and then there was the honeymoon phase, then survival, suffering, hopeless abandonment, surrender, and success, currently passing thru bitter soon to return to the honeymoon. Saying goodbye is heart wrenching this time. These two years have been eternally short. The days were long and sometimes in the stagnant heat and relentless sun I swore that time stubbornly stood still and bathed in the luxury of its own pace. But now I am watching them fly and wishing there were more or that this did not have to end in tears of relief, regret, rejoice, and relinquishment. As is always expected the next chapter and end to the previous is inevitably uncomfortable, because it is unknown. Yet I think about the future and only arrive to a blur, a load of unclear figures and places, And for the first time I have passed 2 years filled with memories that are crystal clear and I do not feel like I need to photograph everything I find endearing. Because the most beautiful moments are seared into my memory. The things that truly matter were feelings. These years have shown me so many other emotions I never previously experienced fury, rage, embarassment, shame, vengence, depression, happiness, excitement, regret, acceptance, failure, perseverance, stress, exhaustion, longing, love, hate, faith, and grace. I giggled at the idea that in my final report meeting people wanted forgiveness for the way they had mistreated me. I thought this was not the appropriate moment but then again there really never is. The only inappropriate apology is one that never comes. Then they all thanked and congratulated me for the achievements and advancements I had in and for La Matanza. I felt so proud that what I had done was profound enough to merit both verbal and written recognition from the authorities of my town. It was such a strange sensation of insufficiency. They made it clear there was no way to actually thank me for all that I had done, And at the same time the situation made it impossible to even begin to trying to explain what they had done for me as well. Even all the hardships, criticisms and what I felt were cruelties I would not take them back for a second I wanted to thank them for having shaped and defined me as a person and a professional. Joel mentioned the first day that we met and I though how different things are now. How much we have done, changed, and different. La Matanza cleanier and prettier. Me skinner, tanner, a little older, a little smoother and also a little more tough. I learned the importance of a feminine touch yet never lost the calluses on my hands. It was the first time in too long to remember that I found peace with food and fatness and fitness. Eating fried foods 3 times a day and not wincing or feeling guilty. I lost weight without hours of sweat filled exhertion and calorier control. I learned to drink beer and not fear filth and germs. I embraced that I probably ate or was covered in poop the majority of the time. I learned to smile and laugh when you really feel like yelling or crying. That frustration is not a productive emotion for anyone. That patience and calmness get things done more quickly. That a good meal and conversation values in at a good days at work and payday. I learned when you do not have money you do not have to worry about money and that poor people are much happier than rich people. That respect and kindness are tools for understanding and that differences in age, race, ethnicity, education, economics, and politics can all fade into the background and be completely insignificant in the face of humankind. The best things do not come easily or quickly. When you rush things they fall apart. Even when you want to trust everyone you cannot; someone will betray you and some people will always want to do you harm. Always better to come early and prepared rather than punctual and screwed. Relentlessness is the middle name of progress. I laughed in that meeting because it was the first time I present the same ideas I have presented for a long time, and knew that I was listened to instead of just being heard. And that these insights would be used to make relevant decisions that would decide and shape the future of this community. It was the moment after proving that one person can truly make a difference and change the world that the looks in their eyes made me believe it as well. After so much sweat, blood and tears those seconds of sweet certainty convinced me it had all been worth it in a mutual benefit. They mayor said he felt satisfied knowing they had taken advantage of the opportunity that I had presented them. And I knew that I too took everyday to do something usually for others but occasionally for myself to selfishly satisfy my curious nature and love of trying or learning new things. I left with a greater appreciation for how beautiful life can be and enjoying each moment more. With a better understanding of the importance of challenging times in the story of life. I left more mature, less naive, faithful to the fact that making mistakes is not failure and that my world does not make the world turn. It could be my happiness or sadness but the sun will rise and set. Somehow in the midst of being a spectator sport I felt the liberty to screw up and let go and retreat or fight. With all eyes watching and ears listening and mouths ready to slur slanderous truths in the form of lies. And that nothing done would be left to lie quietly. But this demanding presence only resulted in my own sureness to such an extent that I felt relaxed even in the face of scrutany and interogations, I got to the point that hearsay really meant say what you heard plus a little more. Oh but did being held accountable shipshape my ass up. Now each time before I go to do something silly I think the three seconds before instead of the three seconds after. And also have 2 solutions to every potential problem. I learned it was much easier to manipulate people into some form of mind control whenever they were convinced they liked you. I learned that anything is possible, first one must have it clear in mind and put the intentions into the universe and be alert to the signs of opportunities and then fight like hell until you are panting with exaultation. And never once doubt that it will happen or that you can make it happen. Through this one can achieve anything. Nothing is easy but not is impossible no matter how improbable. I learned to ask for forgiveness even at the cost of my pride and also how to forgive and accept apologies. I learned to be grateful for everything but in particular when someone is kind. And to have fun, so much fund as much as possible.I think I met the girl I always knew I could be. I got the opportunity to use my work talents not so much to be productive but rather to benefit the common good. I realized that what motivates me is work itself, better when it is a theme I am passionate about but that money is irrelevant to my life and joy. I can just be calm knowing that I have enough of it. The reflection overall of the experience is that the world does not need to be saved it just needs to be adjusted. This is also true about most of our lives. In whichever moment we believed things to be terrible an attitude adjustment is usually all it takes to get moving in the right direction. I feel people should be obliged to offer everything they have to give because these people have had to survive things that we will never know. The world is sometimes very bitter or angry with the way the global economy has evolved. And they should be it is completely unfair that anyone can drink and eat while others starve and die of thrist. It is just plain selfish. Even If people in the third world get to study at the university they will never make enough money to pull their family out of poverty. The other countries do not have the luxury to live on dreams. The live on back breaking labor until they die, and the first world ignores that all people are just people with the same needs.
Thank you so much to everyone I love and who has supported me and continues to support me I now have regular internet so I will be able to be more diligent about blogging and keeping up on facebook. this year promises many things to all of us,
love you so much.

in charge

so i am in lima helping out with trainings, getting trained and making sure the the parasites that i have to no do any permanent damage before i kick them out of my body. I was training the new volunteers who are refreshing in the sense that they make me realize just how far me and the rest of the volunteers have come. we all started out not really being able to speak spanish and scared and confused and not knowing what we werre doing here and no idea what we had gotten ourselves into. in retrospect i still have no idea what i am doing here but i think great things and maybe saving the world. i had my first encounter with the new group of health volunteers and they loved me they really loved me. and i had be so nervous but after talking with them i no longer had a single doubt that i would be an excellent leader for them and be able to help them do whatever it is they want. I know that i will be there to calm them down or lifgt them up and stop them from crying or wanting to go home. i still have to meet the previous group but all around i feel so much better about my decision to stay here. i thought i was taking such a huge risk but not only do i think that i will be able to take leaps and bounds in my career but also make a bunch of new friends and contacts and still learn so much more about myself and thiings of the world and psychology. i am truly excited and full of energy and ideas for all that is to come. and find myself at the same time being so calm about thigns that usually freak me out like how i have no idea what i will be working in or which community partner i will have and the fact that i will probably be homeless for about a month and then going to the states which has now become a whole world of the unknown and then being in charge of a fairly large group of people when i have never been the boss lady. all should sound overwhelming but i feel incredibly calm and then at the same time i find that both my mind and my body want to do yoga again and eat healthy food and get back to something that once felt so normal and good. i cannot wait for the uncertainty that the future brings for me and you, off to go watch some live music. lvoes

light at the end of the tunnel

So in a work sense things are running a bit smoother still doing anti parasite campaigns, giving food baskets, weighing children, teaching about nutrition and hygiene, training teachers about how to prevent malnutrition. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off. But happy. This past month I went to a concert of one of the most famous singers in Peru, he called me to the stage spent the whole night flirting with me, got off stage twice to talk with me. It was like being 13 again and having NSYNC tell you that you are pretty. Sigh it was awesome. Unfortunately, married so all interaction stopped at the end of the show. Though in my town they sell the video in which everything cannot believe that he payed so much attention to me including me. I have been in report mode everyday it seems like I have to write another report or presentation about my service and how it has gone and that it is ending. The other day I had a impromptu meeting with my mayor where he expressed his personal sadness that his town would be losing an important character in development, he thanked me for doing so much in two years and that it was very notable the success that I had and the changes I provoked here. It almost made me cry and then everyone else keeps talking about how I am already leaving and how sad it makes them feel which in turn also makes me feel sad because I am happily in the state of denial that I am leaving and plan to stay in that state until at least the second week of november just to keep myself sane. I have no idea how to say good bye. Lets see also I have recently become a waitress in my extended family's restaurant because my uncle has a foot wound from uncontrolled diabetes. I think it is hilarious because as I always suspected I do not have the right attitude to be waitress. I like giving hell and talking back. But since there is no tipping here there is really no losing anything. And actually the have sold out quite quickly every night that I work there. My cousin always jokes that we would sell faster if I would wear shorts or a mini skirt or show some cleavage. I just laugh and tell her I am not that type of girl. And I am not sure if I believe those types of outfits are sanitary for the food business. People keep talking about how they will be having a going away party for me I at least have 5 planned. And I am sure there will realistically be more. I am off to Lima for some meetings next week. Things are good but change as usual is nerve wrecking cannot wait to be on vacation much needed vacation hanging out with the friends and the family. Loves.

still in one piece

Ok so I am super sorry that I have not written in so long. I tried a few times but for problems with the internet or problems with the website I had not been able to get back. After re-reading the last blog tons has happened. First I am staying a third year however I will no longer be staying in my site. After many problems with health professionals and many rude words and poor treatment from my health center I decided it was no longer worth my time neither personally nor professionally to continue working with people that insist on making my life harder. Unfortunately, for my site they will have to continue to have a health provider that is deficient. As a result of this project though I have been able to succeed in getting my health center to shape up with the help of their bosses. It is always very ironic for me that all of the people in charge treat me with the utmost respect and all of their workers treat me like crap. But I do not let it get me down but rather am laughing in the face of adversity. The nutrition project is showing great results I have already recovered 9 children in one month. I am still waiting on the results of this month. I finished building improved cook stoves which took a workload off my back. I have treated almost 200 children for parasites. My friend molly came to visit for a week getting a day in the life of Andrea. I was so grateful to have a helping hand to get work done and overall impressed by her willingness and acceptance to new experiences. She even taught a nutrition session. It was great she learned how to take the height weight of the children and determine their nutrition status. I have to say that she really helped me realize that the work I am doing here is so important even though it can also be so challenging or overwhelming. It was great getting to share everything with her considering she is also a nutrition professional and seeing the grand difference between what I would be doing in the States with a nutrition degree and what I am doing here with a nutrition degree. Plus it was very interesting to hear that she was suffering the same growing pains that I am even though we are currently living in completely different realities. Then I was off to a much needed vacation to visit a friend that lives at the base of the highest mountain in Peru Huascaran. It was so beautiful and so relaxing and I had enough time to go hiking and breathe fresh air. We also went dancing in the capital and I visited a lagoon that had turquoise blue water and another place that had a rock forest. Everyday I went to bed happily exhausted from physical exertion instead of mental or emotional exertion. I read books, did yoga, cooked lunch for the first time in a very long time. Then I was off to Lima for meetings with the bosses in which we got to meet up with a group of volunteers that I have not seen in almost two years. It was great seeing how much we succeeded in doing for this country and how much a few people had changed. There was lots of laughter and a little bit of sorrow having to say good bye to friends. Also there were sessions where we talked about how to end our service and say good bye to our sites. In which case it became real that I had already completed my time here as fast as it has passed, it seems like yesterday I came and tomorrow I am leaving. Luckily I have two more months to finish this nutrition project. I have made a point to have a much calmer attitude in the face of so many problems and realize that I can only do so much. If things do not go perfectly that is perfectly ok. And thus I have spent more time enjoying the company of my friends and host family here going to eat and going dancing. We are entering the times of parties so first it begins that every weekend there are parties and then as we get to the end of October thru November there are parties every week and weekend. As a result of the decision that I would no longer be staying in my site for a third year my boss offered me and opportunity to work in the Lima office as the Coordinator of Volunteers for the Health Program, I was previously not certain it was a position that I really wanted but at the end of the day, when I received the offer I felt honored that many of my peers thought I would be a good fit for the job. I will be living and working with one of my best friends here so I feel much more comfortable with the decision. Life is good, I am happy I will be able to come home for a month to the states starting in December I will be on the East Coast and then after Xmas and for New Year’s I will be in Colorado. My dreams every night are already very USA focused. Cannot wait to see ya’ll hoping that everyone is surviving the crazy weather that you seem to be having over there.

good lord

So in the past weeks many things have happened or not happened and then still needed to happen. I have felt that there are not enough hours in the day to fit everything I absolutely need to do in. It has been really hard not to exhaust myself though it is apparent in the pains that my body give me. The other week was literally the hardest week I think I have ever had in all my service. I was working behind myself because my project almost got stolen by some crazy doctor and then the funding paperwork got behind so I was receiving my materials at the exact time when trainings were starting. We trained the health profesionals and teachers about the causes, consequences, and prevention of malnutrition. The goal with them is that they can work as promoters where they work in getting all the community well informed and improving nutrition and hygiene practices in both their work spaces as well as the mothers of family. It was rather concerning how little the health professionals knew about malnutrition and preventative health. The same day that we had to deliver food to the small towns we received in large sacks and had to break down everything into smaller bags and weigh every one of them. The paperwork, the insistence. The not having the key to the office that was storing the food and not being to get things where they needed to be. The project is excellent in practice when we are working with the moms and a train wreck in between hopefully it gets better now that the funding nonsense has worked itself out. I am traveling to 4 smaller towns which adds an hour on to every day. I am running deparasiting campaigns. With cooking classes and teaching about hygiene. I am building cookstoves and setting up for a training for volunteers next week. I have felt fairly out of control and hoping to stay on point. I have lost weight and started streamlining coffee again. There will be 30 people in my site learning about cookstoves, latrines, gardens, and animal husbandry. It is officially approved that I can stay in my site though after these weeks of work my only reaction to the news was to cry at the thought of staying. And how I cannot keep up what I am doing and working at this rate for even the rest of this year without falling apart. I am learning how to delegate though it has resulted in people making errors that then have to be fixed and leaves me thinking it would just be better to do the things myself. But people have to learn and I do not have time to do everything anymore. I am so indecisve it is so annoying. spent some days resting though dancing with friends for hours on end helps the soul. well off to bed. hope all is well in your lives.