the end of an era

As of July I officially finished being a volunteer and have reintegrated into a "normal life" if you will. I spent a month in America visiting with my mom, grams and uncle. It was lovely to catch up with you all. Another returned volunteer came to visit me in Maryland, the rest of that trip can be summarized by shopping, pedicures, good eats, funny movies and a weird sensation of not having any real responsibilities. Then I headed out to Colorado to reunite with old friends, they are still the same people something I find to be incredibly comforting as our interactions even after many years of separation continues to be effortless. They are all married or getting married, those who have children are good parents, they all seem to work A LOT, and I couldn't be prouder of the group of people I grew up with and how we have all matured and become successful adults. Mom came and met up again in Colorado which was so fun to see her twice and be back in CO we went to Liz's wedding together and took a zumba class (priceless) seriously that for me would be like a MasterCard's advertizement getting to take a zumba class with my mom and her 2 friends and have them rock it, priceless. The rest of the trip was coffee, lakeside amusement park, bachelorette party, good eats, a little bit of mountain love, feeding the ducks at the park, and many great conversations. I also got another tattoo of a lotus flower on my bicep, which means mental and spiritual enlightenment, compassion and a reminder that beauty comes from suffering. It is to represent this past year. Since being back in Lima, I have been training MMA more and helping Joel prepare for his next fight on the 23rd of October. Taking small adventures around Lima since I hadn't really had much time to explore before. I got to get the insiders tour of the zoo we got sooo close to the big cats and the new born white tiger, plus got to touch a giraffe! We have danced in some clubs and on the street concerts, gone out with friends, I am studying coaching materials to be a life coach and have been practicing sessions with some willing participants. There was the annual food festival that we went to twice and ate amazing dishes and a lot of delicious chocolates!!! Joel and I celebrated being together for a year and a half last week, this week one of our students is competing in a fight, I am pretty certain he will win. It is strange to have such an open schedule, but it is nice to sleep in and not be stressed out ever, I started cooking again and it is fun to go to the market buy super fresh ingredients and make masterpieces. It makes the body feel good. I am finding peace with just living life without a job to occupy my every moment, I giggle at the last blog because as is clear all I had previously was time to work and travel for work and worry about work, in the absence of that sometimes it feels like I am not doing anything with my life and other days it feels like I am living the dream. I suppose all is an attitude, I will be taking an online course starting at the end of the month on International Organization Management, I have applied for a position to be a trainer I should be getting an interview sometime in October. Reading my previous blog also makes me feel very qualified for that position so fingers crossed, though I wouldn't start working there until January so the prolonged vacation continues. What I have learned in the last years is that you have to work with love. Success comes easily to those who do what they love because they are willing and interested in dedicating the time, sacrifice, and suffering necessary to advance. Love is the only thing that makes you willing to do anything and everything necessary. But it also makes you feel inspired and happy which inevitably makes you more productive, that kind of positive energy just helps pull more opportunities and the right people in your direction, Secondly you have to know what you want to get what you want. I  told my volunteers to be disgustingly optimistic, and looking back whenever I really wanted something it came to me never directly perse but things came into the periphery and it is a matter of recognizing and appreciating and taking advantage of gifts that are granted. Third, nothing comes how or when you think it will. I feel like most things come in the least convenient times to force you to quit or commit. Because commitments are challenging and you have to fully wholeheartedly dive in and figure it out in the process or completely let it pass. You cannot look back and second guess or regret the decisions you made. Embrace your choices, trust yourself, your gut and looking up. The bigger picture is constantly surrounding and supporting you so long as you look up. Stressed. Look up. Depressed. Look up. When you are 100% other people want to be like you, maybe not exactly like you but your most prominent traits even if controversial traits are what people tend to want to embody. Be you, love you, express yourself fully. The world is a strong censurer it tells many lies. Be honest with yourself and others so you will be able to walk freely and move lightly. Believe in lost causes nothing is truly a lost cause. That is how miracles pop out of thin air. Believing in the impossible allows you to be happily surprised. Constructive criticism even if offensive in a first instance helps people grow when they are ready to understand and assimilate what is really being said and not what they think is being said. I am tough, I embellished it in my youth, I toned it down in college and I finished exactly where I started in elementary school. I believe I am as tough as I need to be to be able to do what is needed for others. You have to have values and live by them. Be consistent part of being consistent is knowing who you are and not pretending, imitating, faking. Oh and have fun because being tough and having values does not make you serious well at least maybe that is how others perceived it 2 years ago when I was described as intense but life is about living, having fun and enjoyment. Perhaps looking for stability is silly trying to make everything stop to stabilize is limiting to what things could be if you stabilize you are really just staying. You stay at the same comfortable place, you stop your growth, you don't change, you become stagnant. Joel says flow all the time. That's best if you try to hold on to anything you can't move, you cannot line up with the universe because everything is in constant motion. Even when you meditate or center yourself what you are doing is embracing the way that your energy and blood flow through your body so effortlessly. I love when he says our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, all of these are who we are. So we have to be aware of our thoughts because we are what we think. I began to seriously believe this point. Thoughts that are positive or negative grow accordingly. Either they are exponentially fruitful or exceedingly toxic when they become actions or acts. That is how you create your life either put together or destructive.