Wedding excitement

February was filled with meetings, I decided to participate in the yearly planning meetings with the new PC direction, it was so refreshing to know that I shared the vision of what development is, what the mission of PC is and how to help volunteers. The new director and subdirector literally repeated words I had said the year before and gotten scolded for. Those days served as great getting to know you moments and team building. The rest of the time we had been taking care of all the paperwork stuff. Well let's just say the problems first got a lot worse before they got better, but for some reason it reassured our relationship, the being able to have to fight for what we wanted to achieve together. Really I am grateful Joel knows how to deal with my anxiousness in uncertain times and motivate me to keep moving forward. To take the stress off every Sunday we go down to the beach that is 15 minutes from our house to be reminded that our lives are small in front of such a great force of nature like the ocean, breath fresh air and bask in the sun. Once we got the green light and a DATE March 7, the count down and planning began, we are going to have like 25 people attend a civil ceremony in the municipality where we live, we will have some h'ordeuvres, champagne and cupcakes. It will be short and sweet and then we will go take pictures down by the beach. My mom decided to come literally one week before simply because we only knew one week before, which meant I was now going to be able to have the ceremony I wanted in the dress we bought together, with grams rings and my mom give away the bride . Unfortunately for the short notice desi wont be able to come but we still plan on having a ceremony in Colorado for all my friends and family that couldn't make it. It is such a world wind of coordination and excitement. Also to my surprise my old boss organized me a wedding shower which was really adorable in a nice restaurant overlooking the water at sunset. I got towels, wine glasses, sheets, silverware and twister. Feeling motivated to take advantage of these fun parties I decided to plan a bachelorette party tonight 10 girls and me are headed to see some handsome men dance..  My mom arrives tomorrow and we are going to make the best of the 4 days she is here. My reflections on getting married are that it is exciting once everything is planned you start to get a little nervous for me it is having to be emotional/ vulnerable in front of a group of 25 people in heels (without falling fingers crossed) But the commitment part to Joel doesn't make me nervous in the least, I would say we have had a less than conventional love story with perhaps what others consider too much honesty, clumsiness, being 100% ourselves. But that is the great myth about finding love as little girls and teenagers we are trained to try to be this perfect woman to be able to find the perfect man, we are trained to appear instead of be, and omit or hid too many things that make us who we are. The truth is people should find themselves and be that person unchanging until they find someone who accepts them for exactly as they are and helps them become even more. I can say with so much confidence that Joel has helped me work through many of my issues, insecurities and imperfections he has polished me to become who I have always wanted to and continues to help me grow the same way that I know I help him. It is a truly energetic relationship. I agree that while interests in common help the relationship more important are values/lifestyles. We copy what our partners do so it is important to find someone that you admire their lifestyle so that when you later begin to live like that you are healthy and happy. I have helped 4 people get engaged/married in the last 2 years. It is an incredible experience to help people develop themselves as people and improve relationships. I still wholeheartedly believe in the importance of living together before getting married for at least 6 months to a year so that you can see all their habits annoying or otherwise and be able to see if you can deal with it or not. And though we rarely argue I love that he always throws whatever argument I am using against him against me to help me see if I am being unfair. I am excited to see what our lives bring, to travel and continue to grow together. He has called me his refuge and he is without a doubt my home. I am so grateful for all the people who have helped me get to this point, who have loved me unconditionally, who support my decisions, who believe in me, I love you all so much and can say I am officially a woman and a wife.

Piles of Paperwork and Living in Limbo

In December I competed for the first time against a girl in submission and I won in less than 2 minutes with an arm bar. It is a submission move where you hyper extend their elbow so that they tap out. It was such a rush to even be able to compete since there are almost never girls and even more so to win! It felt like the reward for all the MMA training I had been doing. Multiple people of our team won that day and there is another competition the 25th of January that perhaps I will participate in. Later, I got to travel to the beach of Trujillo to help with a training for the Community Economic Development volunteers about how to run community banks (a savings and loaning system run by the community members) and do financial education. They were long and exhausting days in the way that you use every last drop of glucose, sweat and enthusiasm in your body. In the evenings I did yoga on the beach and danced with the ocean. It felt great to be training others again, to speak in front of a crowd and answer their questions. The truth was I didn't know really very much on this theme, but the other trainers said that you couldn't tell. There were moments when I felt I was drowning and wanted them to jump in so badly but they didn't. When I later asked why they said they enjoyed the way that I explained things and were learning how to say things properly in Spanish. I felt like I had arrived. However, the end of December started to feel a little like ground hog's day. The attempt to get my paperwork figured out so I could start working in January began optimistically enough only to come to a crash and burn. Literally every small detail that could have gone wrong did. SO that is the living in limbo part, as of today I am waiting for the phone call to see if I will be able to still work for PC or if this will be a passed opportunity. It was a lot of running around between immigrations, the office, translating documents, the embassy, back to immigrations, back to office and then nothing, just stalemate. The only thing that I have left in order to get my visa is to wait to get married. There was anxiety, panic, lack of control over the situation, tears, and finally acceptance. I have to just let it go because I tried everything I possibly could to make things happen and nothing worked. It made me laugh I used to say marriage is just a piece of paper it didn't mean anything in June of 2013 I was convinced I didn't want this job now I really need that paper because it means me being able to stay legally in the country and be with the man I love and being able to work. I felt like the Universe was laughing at me all this month with the conclusion that I had no idea what I wanted and all that inner peace that I had been fostering moved like jello in an earthquake. But I have not broken.  We spent Christmas with Joel's family I helped cook some side dishes. We baked and decorated cookies with his niece and nephew I understood why my mom loved that tradition so much when you do it with little kids it is the most sugar filled fun time. I got one of my life long gift wishes of the Jack Lalane Juicer and a yoga mat. Needless to say we have been experimenting everyday with a new juice. My favorite so far for flavor is just pure grape juice, for color beet, orange and carrot juice. Least favorite was a combo of all veggies, tasted nasty couldn't even finish it. It is key to mix and fruits with vegetables to match the bitter with the sweet. Instead of going out to a big party we closed out 2013 taking a yacht tour of southern Lima to some practically undisturbed islands that housed 12,000 sea lions. We got to actually jump in and swim with these playful and curious creatures. It was magical they even nibbled on my toes trying to figure out what I was at one point there was about 10 within 2 ft of me and then I had that moment where I realized this wasn't sea world this was mother nature. So the tour guide pulled me slowly backwards so as not to encroach on their territory too much. We saw jellyfish that were 2 meters long, luckily no stings. And the ocean was sooo cold we had to wear full wetsuits. I was taken back by the clear blue of the water that almost looked like the Caribbean only 20 minutes from my house. Champagne and fireworks and the new year begins. By the third day I was thinking that 2014 is starting with so many challenges that I hope it's not setting the tone for the entire year... (paperwork probs) But I made my resolutions in the midst of the chaos that I could not control and concluded that  I would get married, take a family trip, maintain a balance between work and personal life, skype more frequently with friends in USA, yoga twice a week, juice 4 days a week, meditate 3 times a week, train mma twice a week, make 2 new friends, read a book a month, change someone's life and be happy. And the yoga has been such an experience since I have not really had a practice in about 3 years. It was relearning to be flexible, finding deep breathing, pushing myself to develop strength in muscles that I feel only yoga helps you realize you have and being patient with my progress. It is challenging knowing how a position should be and not being able to get into that position. I also got a visit from a friend and former volunteer, it was lovely to reconnect with someone who cares so fervently about development, for a moment I wondered if I needed a master's degree to be able to better work in international development. Though I also realized through our conversations that neither is better they are equal. The time you spend dedicating to one you cannot dedicate to the other. And truly the grass is greener on the other side. I feel that two things are very human thinking that what we don't have is somehow better than our current situation and secondly but still related is greed. Or perhaps the first is a form of greed, the always wanting more. Then I watched parts of the documentary Girls Rising, try to see it if you haven't. It is an inspiring demonstration of girls fighting for their basic rights. And it reminded me of how many opportunities I've had and continue to have as well as reassured me that everything I have is enough. I keep laughing that somehow over 4 years ago the title never let imagined futures determine your present is something I still constantly or daily have to remember in order to remain present.  In 2 weeks we will have to go to Chile for a few days to renew my tourist visa and check out the beaches there. Wishing you all new experiences, health and happiness.