perspective

Things may be looking up. I have finally got my health promoters and some of the health professionals working well in this improved house project. I already held two trainings which went smoothly and were actually quite fun. I am potentially getting my own space in the health post where I will be working as a Nutritiionist two days a week. I am hoping that it will improve some cases of malnutrition. Right now all the kids in my early childhood stimulation group have parasites. I also believe I have a worm that i have named fredrico. Sex education continues in the high school and tomorrow we have a recycling event. My new garden is beautiful, my plants are growing and I am already eating radishes. The guinea pigs are also growing I have about 60 right now and 5 are pregnant so the population will be growing. I have decided that it is less important what people think about my work and more important that I keep doing what I am doing and building relationships. My dance group just celebrated its aniversary I danced jungle which involved body paint, lots of skin, fire circle, covering boys with powder and shaking it alot. Super fun. I have along with my best girlfriend here decided to leave the group for a while to focus on work and so I think in maybe two months or so I will go back if there is still a group. I will be heading to some trainings with my community members in the near future which should be interesting. I want to say happy birthday to jordan and zach and my uncle which we will celebrate some other day in the future. I have learned it is more fun to celebrate your birthday for many days instead of just one day. Here is a journal entry from may "So at this point and in this book I was reading I keep hearing the same messsage or better question Are we at the beginning or at the end? When we enter the thrid world or the country side are we ending or regressing?When we pass the widons of the shops in a large shopping mall have we made it have we arrived? If we survive in the world of poverty, or the world of consumerism. Both put a smile on my face because they are full of contradictions and ironies. Both places are full of lost people looking for something or someone to cutre their ales to pass the time. Shar a moment or steal a lifetime. I think we are all sadly deceived that we would be happier with more. But once we have more the desire still liingers. Perhaps a 13 year old is just a 13 years old no matter where he lives or how much money he has. I cannot say when it changes. perhaps when the old man relaxes in his hot tub at night and the poor old man sleeps deeply on what might be considered a mattress wishing his life would be different. I fit both places. I do not long for money I do long for change. I want people to reach thier potential. I want people to fight for what they believe in, and do what they love. I want them to find the opportunities they always have and use the resources that surround them. I am not ever going to find what I am looking for in a perfectly matched outfit with bitching shoes and the coordinated accessories. And when I come to see the price tag in soles I just cannot imagine buying any of it when I know how many children run around hungry and families ill, and parents worried. I cannot justify any of it. And to imagine it all in dollars. I will never apologize for my success which happens to earn money. But why is life so much easier for some and so destitute for otheres. And as I develop this new reality the old one crumbles. I do not wish to leacve those that I love behind but they are so inconviently located so very far away in a place that I cannot return. For once I am being looked at in the way I always imagined. And doing what I love. When I talk people listen, when I act people follow. And while starbucks is so delicious I could live with instant coffee if it meant being as happy as I have been at this point in my life. And time flies and the memories come. And that elaborate culture of consumerism loses its shine, draw, essence, addictive drive. Although I could drop in every once in a while I much prefer to stay out of its business. Instead I will stay at the "bottom" with the rest of them and get what it means to fight, struggle, fall, fault, lack, survive and live. Because like I suspected those at the top are just killing themselves because they are bored. I will never be certain how even within the same country this kind of satsifaction exists or even how the first world got to be first. I does not make any sense to me how that was possible. Or how we went from living in the woods to living in skyrise apartments. Or so mindless to have everything at our fingertips. It is actually very unnatural to have things so simple. To be looking for life in distraction. Even though the culture of small town life poses many challenges and forces me to question my sanity at time. I suppose it comes from the biologically instilled to observe others and your surroundings in order tokeep yourself or your family safe. Because in the city we have allowerd our instincts to dull and we not only do not know the majority of people we encounter on a day to dday basis, we also do not know our neighbors. We search for privacy and solitude without realizing we have already achieved it. We are deaf and blind, meanwhile in a small town far away from the first world from the privelaged lifestyle someone is talking aobut the activites of someone else. But it serves two fold. One we practice communicating verbally and we practice our abilities to observe our surroundings and draw conclusions. And in this place there are not many things I do not miss them in fact I forget I ever had them. And being trendy goes out the door when all you wear is what is necessary, and you wash it and wear it again. Still the glamorous life does not appeal to me when I stand sweaty and dirty and proud and poorly dressed but wearing a glow of strength confidence hardwork beauty and a smile. So I do not think that the action of leaving or arriving the first world is significant at all. You leave a place when you forget that you miss it. And you arrive when you feel comfortable and content with where you are. In between those places you are either consciously lost or unconciously in camino. But it is not physical it is mental. So is lonliness we are alone when we think we are alone. We feel alone when our heart is busy remembering that we left and not seeing that we could have already arrived. But it comes around and if not we turn around." loves

arg

So i went on a great beach getaway vacation for the fourth of july. I visited two beaches which were practically private because we are in the winter even though it is not really cold, and thus no one was there. So I was hanging out in the sand, playing in the ocean, talking with strangers, eating vegetarian food, writing, hanging in hammocks, and living simply but I felt amazing. I visited this hot mud hole and after covering myself with mud sunbathing and washing it off I had skin like a babys butt. I really enjoy traveling alone it gives you so much freedom to do whatever you want whenever and the liberty to completely change your plans at anytime. I suggest everyone do it at some point even if just for a few days and try to do it where there is no television or internet because then you get to really spend time with yourself. And amongst all of it I never once felt lonely. I got back to work real quick though and man reality can suck after a vacation. I have been running around full trying to get all these projects organized, registered, funded and operating properly. I think sometimes I have over extended myself and not even so much that I have a choice in the matter. I am dealing with this parent school project which is a pain in the ass because everyone expects me to run the project which is not my job and not the idea of sustainability so now the comparisions to the previous volunteer have started on a count of everything went so smoothly when he was running the project. Well if one controls every aspect of a project and by not including community memebers in it of course it will run smoothly. But it will only last until the volunteer leaves and then there will be nothing. It is a very ungrateful job that we do and so trying to stay motivated can get hard but now that I am looking at this as some sort of a competition I am destined to win because well I hate losing and when I am angry I am also extremely productive. And I have lost the rosy glasses and we are out of the honeymoon phase. And it is so interesting because the most important people seem to appreciate my work but the rest do not and well you can only listen to so much negativity without wanting to fight back or be negative too. However I am greatful for this newfound energy as I am needing it running around working with 21 families, 2 schools, 5 health promoters on this new project about healthy households and improved cooking stoves. I am learning that it is better to have people fear or respect you than it is to have them like you. I suppose I should be more scary or strict but when I am dealing with professionals I just do not see the need in treating people like they are children. And if I take control of everything then I render them useless which they are not. I am stuck in a rut... On the good side of things I have succeeded in getting the authorities of my town to think that malnutrition is in fact a serious problem that needs fixing and therefore requires funding so I have a promise of funding in 2011 for a recooperation and prevention project. I like that I have a profession that would be useful here, it is just convincing everyone else that they should care that it the challenging part. If any one of you reading does not recycle please start recycling. It is crazy how easy it is in the states to recycle and pure laziness if you do not. I have succeeded in making recycling trendy in the high school and over the past two months the streets of my town are cleanier because of it. I miss you all and I hope that with all the big changes happening in your lives that you are finding comfort and positivity. i think about you all constantly and you are in my dreams. xoxo here is a quote my mom sent me that I liked do not know the author "virtually every successful person has considered giving up at some point in his or her struggle to reach the top. And many break throughs occured soon after those same people rededicated themselves to their purpose." it keeps me going I now understand why some people say I was made to be here and why others say they would never come. It is crazy to think that I have been here for seven months. And even though I have so much to go I know it is going to fly by because well the first year for me is already been moving quite quickly. I