the word is patience

Lets see on a positive note i have been builiding improved cooking stoves finished the evaluation of the moms and found that they had learned a lot and changed their habits and overall their kids are a lot less sick. Wonderful. I am now teaching men that women can also do physically demanding labor, use a machete, hammer, and shovel without damaging oneself. I suppose I did that in the states a little too. Anyways the builds have been mostly fun mostly easy. Except for securing the materials has been a repeating theme. I cannot seem to get my bricks where they need to go. Which has meant me lifting a 1,000 5 lb bricks and trying to get as many as could handle on to a motocar and hauling them to various places. Which is why in the month of october i wil be gettign a nice slim figure only to destroy it in the month of december. Yes it is all good. Then there was a random rain storm that no one would have predicted which got my bricks poorly formed almost ruined and meant i could not use them for days. then the guy who was making them said that someoone had stolen the bricks that had just finally dried. geeze oh man have i been cussing up a storm. my mother keenly put it torrets lady for change. ha so truly hilarious. yesterday i went to check on the first improved stove to see if tehy had started using it turns out someone has stolen the materials that make it an improved stove instead of a plan old everyday stove. more cussing, 2 tears, lots of laughing followed by phone calls and contemplation of my lifes purpose. 2 hours later i was building another stove in another place and deciding to make it the most beautiful one i had ever made. Today i am going to build a platform for a bathroom or rather learn. these weeks have been filled will learning. overall the message keeps being wait and have patience i would like to shove all the patience i have in the mouth of the next person that says that to me and watch their heads explode with tranquility. So honestly though i am as bitter as i sound but not nearly as angry. teehee. In other news the health center is in an indefinte strike which means that i will not be able to work there until they decide to stop with that silliness. Busy planning an agricultural fair with some other authorities for the upcoming aniversary of my town, big deal. People keep saying donkey races and i keep saying i think it is a bad idea i suppose we could opt for some other animal violence if they so please but i was think more educational. the war on violence might actually nowadays be a war against entertainment. i tried teaching sex ed to the people my age in the town well organized no one showed up not surprising. best part was not even my idea they asked me to do it and then confirmed it and then still did not come. reasons why i work with individuals instead of groups so much more realiable and with better results. the party season is apparently going to be starting in full force very soon i however am going to the beach to escape the maddness. I need a vacation i do not like yelling at people even when they deserve it. so i talk with the mayor and then he yells at people. it pays to be homies with the mayor. i got gifted a rooster the otherday that was exciting. i gave back the puppy the day after i got it on account of i do not like things that keep me up at night crying. I accidently almost killed it twice once with flea powder and then another dog almost ate it. twice in 12 hours. in the 13th hour i left it in more competent hands. or at least i thought because then two days later it got stolen. confirmed i am not a dog person and i am never going to be ready to have children. apparently lots of things get stolen around here. i thought i had lost my enthusiasm but i really havent because well workng with the moms makes me happy and shows progess and makes me think i am actually making a difference. 5 months, 13 improved stoves and four bathrooms later i know i have to stay here but man yesterday it was hard to pick myself back up off the floor. life moves on if none of it matters to anyone else it matter alot to me which is really all the is important at the end of the day. the mayor told me you have to believe in your own work and abilities because perhaps no one else will but if you know what you do you will keep doing great things. and so the final word is patience.

Finding God

So i tried this religious pilgrimage which should have been 4 days of basically nonstop walking. i originally thought that it was going to be highway walking. But soon found out that it was taking short cuts through fields, streams, hills, and mountains. The walking was great at first we left before sunrise and got to the river just as the sun was saying good morning. I helped a guy friend cross the river on my back so that he would not have to get his shoes wet. Then we stopped for a quick breakfast 10 minutes and headed on ward to the first check point. It was enjoyable and refreshing though i quickly realized that my bag would be too heavy to succeed for four days. So in the first stop i unloaded all of what could have been considered unnecessary and we headed on at that point the sun was up and strong beads of sweat dripping, clouds of dust being kicked up by our footsteps. The path is questionably marked so many times we guessed on which path to take when there was a fork in the dirt stretch. By one we had arrived to the second check point my butt was chaffed, my eyes tired by the strength of the sun. Half hour and we are back in the running. I honestly could not calculate how far we were walking except that we would walk for about 2 or 3 hours and then rest for in between 15 to 30 minutes max. My feet had already been showing signs that they would be blistering out in the afternoon. At 4 we took a quick nap in the shade of a church and I was informed that there would not be bathing until the following day which was disconcerting considering my shirts were soaked in sweat to the extent that you could see the salt lines. Wake up continue forward the intensity of the sun has finally rested a little after about another 2.5 hours of windy roads through small country towns. In the distance there are beautiful lush mountains which seem like a different world from the dry desert like surrounding we are walking through. My friend makes the observation that it looks like africa. The road has straightened out but is now rockier little pebbles keep trying to penetrate my weakening feet. The cracks in the ground appear as if in a second the ground could give out into a sink pit. I am too intent on trying to arrive to worry. On foot after the other. Finally we rest. I position myself on top of a rock to evaluate the damage that has become my feet. I was givien the advice to wear socks with my sandals. It was a mistake trapping that moisture and heat created the perfect environment for blisters. I have 4 large blisters which are making it more difficult to keep pace with the leader. A strong tall women in her late forties who does not outwardly appear in excellent shape but has maintained an impressive and challenging pace. i remove the socks take out a needle heat it with a lighter and pop them in the hopes that it will alleviate some of the pain. i begin to question exactly what i have gotten myself into and whether it was worth the pain. the majority of these people have made a 3 to 5 year commitment to god to make this trek in the hopes of getting their prayers answered. and i still have no good solid reason why i am doing this. all i know is that i better find one to keep going. we get up i toss the socks and continue. as we pass through the town where we were supposedly going to spend the night we have made good time and the leader says we are going to continue on until we get to the next large camp. i get frustrated not knowing exactly how far it will be and getting heavy with sleepiness, pain, and dehydration. after an hour i am almost brought to tears because the pain is past unmanageable and the worry about dehydration begins to set in. between towns there is no water, no place to buy water, no water to be found not even a dirty stream. my friend notes my anxiety and says dont worry its 15 minutes away. which translates to another hour. we stumble upon a stream the sun has almost completely set and a river is ahead. i fill a water bottle and put in the chlorine tabs just in case there is nothing farther ahead to help. i eat an apple in the meanwhile because i am so thirsty and my mouth has become dry with a terrible taste. perhaps the taste of reality as to what i have committed myself to. as the 8 oclock hour approaches we arrive at a camp. we throw down our large pieces of plastic and the leader tells me to sleep i have been brought to quiet tears of pain, uncertainty, exhaustion, and fear. my friend luckily buys me a water before they run out of stock. the rest of the group is already deep asleep while my friend is sewing my blisters shut with a needle and thread he says that it will help dry them out. another women close by is screaming with pain as a man rubs down her leg and ankle. i whisper under my breath that i completely understand. in my silence i observe hundreds of people dirty, tired, snoring, shivering, or curing their ailments. the thin blanket i have is not enough to keep warm. every half hour a mototaxi passes by my face missing me only by a few inches. every 45 minutes another group packs up calls role prays and heads off in the middle of the night to follow the path to redemption. after only four hours of questionable sleep we are heading out ourselves at midnight. my blisters are now at a count of 7 they are not drying they are still hurting. i decide i will dedicate my thoughts to my grandmother and the recently passed grandmother of my boyfriend. i run through my lifetime of memories with my grandmother and remember her strength and support that she has given me in times of weakness. i run through memories of bikes, dolls, cookies, vanilla milk in cartons, church, fairs, science museum trips, front porch chats, gumdrops in the candy jar, Esmeralda's castle, coloring books, slip and slides, a childhood. i think about her endless faith in god and how if i make it to the end of this trip that i too would believe in god. for these hours of darkness we walk with flashlights try not to stumble over rocks. it is now becoming an uphill journey. while the memories are distracting me from the pain every misstep takes the ground out from under me the skin of the blisters shifts forwards as my body slides back i feel that i have lost all grounding. but we just keep going step after step, the night is calm and cool. but my body is sweating i find myself stripping off layers so as to not soak all my warm clothes. we are now in a larger crowd but the path has diminished to a one person lane so the pressure is on to keep the pace. i am struggling but will make no complaint or falter. the people are watching me as a gringa something i hate to be. and in these hours i feel i am representing an entire race our ability, perseverance, strength. the pressure is on the pace is set, foot after foot. we arrive to the first break of the morning. people are surprised i have made it this far. i hide behind a house to put baby powder on my severely chaffed butt cheeks. as we rest the top of my right foot begins to pulse with pain. from then on the bottom hurts as i walk. the tension runs from my foot to my knee i suspect it is tendon. but luckily within minutes the priority pain of blisters takes back over and i can no longer feel this new pain. with the light of my flashlight we advance in front of another group. i continue with thoughts of my grandmother times in my adolescence the more difficult years the rebellion and her unwavering love and faith in me. i remember being on the beach, i giggle at the memory of us on a jetski, stealing bowling shoes, and talking out on the dock. it is the first time i smile in perhaps 12 hours. i keep pushing myself we get to the next rest i am freezing because all my clothes are soaked with sweat and morning sun has yet to peek through and provide heat. i sleep for a half hour sitting with my arms around my knees face in my forearms. i am awoken by the stir of people i am shivering and once more we move on. at 5 am there are only three of us in what seems like the middle of no where. my girl friend has become a hunchback with the weight of her bag and back pain. there is no more talking no more pleasantries. we turn off the flashlights in the illumination of dusk. the gray that engulfs leaves me trying to decide to continue or quit. my mind says stay my body says hell no we wont go. i can tell that by the look of my friend he wants me to return. i am slowing down the group and he is just concerned with the state of my health. i ask what he would do he lies and tells me he would quit. i know he wouldnt. at 6 we arrive to the next town. the leader of the group has already arranged my transport without even asking my opinion. i tell her i want to continue she tells me it would be foolish to ruin my health to only make it half way. i have no room or energy left to argue. i surrender. i examine the damage my feet are filthy and done literally burned out. we get off the bus in the capital and i cannot walk. my muscles have frozen, my butt cheeks are raw, my tendon is in standstill my blisters are refilling with fluid and already filled with dirt and rocks, my back a shoulders are tense, my head hurts from dehydration. i limp slowly like road kill still fighting to cross the road. i get home and sleep i shower later. my family calls a nurse tech to clean out my feet. she flushes out the blisters and then fills them with antibacterial cream that causes a shooting pain. this nurse tech is the most feminist women in my town and she stares at me blankly and says this is man stuff, your feet this kind of nonsense is for men. i yell at her trying to defend the strength of women taken aback by her commentary. i realize though i am only defending my own stupidity so my quarrels fall on deaf ears. after which i could no longer walk. i have lost my pride, i have failed my journey, i have lost about 6 pounds and my independence. I have to ask for assistance with everything. i did not arrive to believing in god but my respect for the human body and faith grew exponentially. i spent days rather envious of those who arrived and then realized that it would have almost been dirty if i had made it. i would be contradicting the very thing that gets people to the top of the mountain. so instead i just admire and hope that the concept of church and god will do more positive than negative things in the world. there is always next year, si dios quiere.

the whats what

I got to judge another beauty pagent but this one was of 2 year old girls and it was probably the most adorable thing I have seen. The girl that one was a ham and their question they had to answer was what was their name. All but two of the contestants had the right answer. I have been to more beauty pagents this year than I have even watched on tv in my life. That is how they celebrate spring here. I think it is funny because weather wise spring does not exist. There is hot which is winter and hotter like the surface of the sun with rain during summer. I wish that one year old birthday parties in the states could be half the event that they are here. Huge dance parties with clowns and so much good food and sugery treats that you can hardly control yourself. I got to celebrate two in one week. So I just got back to site I was in a training about behavior change. It was interesting and i definately learned alot about how to seriously go about getting people to change a habit. It was in Ica which is in the south of the country it was a desert but I got to go hike a sweet sand hill next to an oasis. Then I tried sandboarding which means I can check it off my list of things to do this year. it is much more pleasant to fall in sand than it is to fall in snow. but also more messy I hate when you get sand in your ear and buttcrack. It has More give but it is also a lot slower. Definately missing snowboarding or even just snow. Then we checked out a place where they make pisco which was like touring an antique vineyad because they aer still using traditional techniques. Super fun, followed by a taste testing. Got back home to the crazies of politics where today is the election that is going to decide my success or failure the upcoming year. Apparently there is still a chance that someone will be killed in my town before the night is over. Man never seen anything like this. I am starting a new dance group with some members of the old group we are looking for more freedom and participation. Which is great because I seriously miss dancing. Finishing the educational part of my healthy households and starting the evals. I will be going on a religious pilgramage on wednesday where I will be walking for four days and one of which is up a mountain. So that should give me time to reflect on life and get a chance to better know some community members. I am still working hard on the nutrition stuff I am succeeding in recuperating some kids. It is a fight with other moms. But it makes all the difference in the world. just replanted some beans and radishes. I have a tomatoe plant and rose plant. I will be trying to plant strawberries this week and am experimenting with organic fertilizers. I hope that my head does not explode in the next month, I am now experimenting with building really rustic latrines and the improved cook stoves will be in construction this month as well. I hope you all say i love you to your grand mothers as a friend of mine just lost his and it is so unfortunate. So I love you grams be well and good luck with surgery and recovery. For the moment I just feel stuck not knowing who is going to win this election. It is seriously worse than the last presidential election in the states. It is because politics decide everything here and that one person while he does have advisors really makes all the decisions and if he does not like you than your life can get complicated in the case of funding i may be needing assistance. I will let you all know in the future. I was really enjoying that the municipality was responsible for paying for these projects. That for me is progress on their part and sustainable from a developement sense. I will also be holding a meeting to see if there are families that just want to buy the stoves. I would be able to build so much more if they would buy them themselves and it would mean taht they would take better care of them too. So it would end up lasting a lot longer. Oh I got gifted a dog this morning by my boyfriend. I realize I have not brought him up until now but in november we will be completing a year. Anyways it is one of those dogs that taught us how to count on sesame street super pretty black and cute. I have a deal that I will only be keeping it for 3 months until it is not longer a puppy and then I am giving it back to him to be a guard dog. I am naming her lucy short for lucifer and he is naming her dana. He says it is a character that represents hope in the end of a process. In buddism it refers to the act of giving both are deep and pretty but for at least three months it will be lucy. Because I think i am hilarious. thats all for now. Love yall