arg

So i went on a great beach getaway vacation for the fourth of july. I visited two beaches which were practically private because we are in the winter even though it is not really cold, and thus no one was there. So I was hanging out in the sand, playing in the ocean, talking with strangers, eating vegetarian food, writing, hanging in hammocks, and living simply but I felt amazing. I visited this hot mud hole and after covering myself with mud sunbathing and washing it off I had skin like a babys butt. I really enjoy traveling alone it gives you so much freedom to do whatever you want whenever and the liberty to completely change your plans at anytime. I suggest everyone do it at some point even if just for a few days and try to do it where there is no television or internet because then you get to really spend time with yourself. And amongst all of it I never once felt lonely. I got back to work real quick though and man reality can suck after a vacation. I have been running around full trying to get all these projects organized, registered, funded and operating properly. I think sometimes I have over extended myself and not even so much that I have a choice in the matter. I am dealing with this parent school project which is a pain in the ass because everyone expects me to run the project which is not my job and not the idea of sustainability so now the comparisions to the previous volunteer have started on a count of everything went so smoothly when he was running the project. Well if one controls every aspect of a project and by not including community memebers in it of course it will run smoothly. But it will only last until the volunteer leaves and then there will be nothing. It is a very ungrateful job that we do and so trying to stay motivated can get hard but now that I am looking at this as some sort of a competition I am destined to win because well I hate losing and when I am angry I am also extremely productive. And I have lost the rosy glasses and we are out of the honeymoon phase. And it is so interesting because the most important people seem to appreciate my work but the rest do not and well you can only listen to so much negativity without wanting to fight back or be negative too. However I am greatful for this newfound energy as I am needing it running around working with 21 families, 2 schools, 5 health promoters on this new project about healthy households and improved cooking stoves. I am learning that it is better to have people fear or respect you than it is to have them like you. I suppose I should be more scary or strict but when I am dealing with professionals I just do not see the need in treating people like they are children. And if I take control of everything then I render them useless which they are not. I am stuck in a rut... On the good side of things I have succeeded in getting the authorities of my town to think that malnutrition is in fact a serious problem that needs fixing and therefore requires funding so I have a promise of funding in 2011 for a recooperation and prevention project. I like that I have a profession that would be useful here, it is just convincing everyone else that they should care that it the challenging part. If any one of you reading does not recycle please start recycling. It is crazy how easy it is in the states to recycle and pure laziness if you do not. I have succeeded in making recycling trendy in the high school and over the past two months the streets of my town are cleanier because of it. I miss you all and I hope that with all the big changes happening in your lives that you are finding comfort and positivity. i think about you all constantly and you are in my dreams. xoxo here is a quote my mom sent me that I liked do not know the author "virtually every successful person has considered giving up at some point in his or her struggle to reach the top. And many break throughs occured soon after those same people rededicated themselves to their purpose." it keeps me going I now understand why some people say I was made to be here and why others say they would never come. It is crazy to think that I have been here for seven months. And even though I have so much to go I know it is going to fly by because well the first year for me is already been moving quite quickly. I