Still Living

Not to fear I actually did not die the next day or the next or even today. Been teaching about how to use condoms and not get pregnant. Replanted on my new land have some beans and some radishes. Start small and grow I figure better not to get overly ambitious and disappointed again. Trying to get this improved cooking stoves project off the ground it is going very slowly. My guinea pigs are growing well I have 8 newbies and a few more on the way. Hanging out with moms in early childhood stimulation teaching about nutrition. I went to the mountains of piura to participate in a dance presentation with my dance group. Got to visit with an old friend of mine she organized the event. It was beautiful and a lot of fun. I got sick with Dengue which is a viral disease passed by mosquito bites the first time you get laid out in bed for about a week, with a serious fever, headache, bone pain, nausea, vomiting, and a sweet rash. I basically turned red, 102 fever, and felt like a 75 year old women for 5 days. It sucked. If I get it again I could die from bleeding to death from some hole in my body most commonly the eyes or ears. So needless to say I have gotten religious about using bug repellent. Right now my town is working on the next years budget and I am attending all the meetings in the hope that some importance and funding will be placed on health. There was a boys leadership camp where I took two boys from my town and met up with 15 other volunteers and 32 other boys from various towns in my department and Tumbes. It was a really incredible experience I think the boys grew and left with less shyness and more bravery. Working on writing a nutrition project in the hopes of changing the situation here where 1 in every 3 kids is malnourished. I find that right now I am in a frustrated funk where I just wish that people would pull their shit together. That includes myself. Lately I have been feeling like there is not going to be any long lasting effect here resulting from my presence or work. That being said I am rather confused why I stay. Consequently, I am not intenting nearly as hard anymore which is sort of a vicious cycle. If I do not work really hard nothing will happen, and when nothing I happens I feel like doing less. It is a waste of time wishing that things were different. Because the truth in life is that things are what they are, people are who they are, and their reality is reflected in those two things. But the fight feels futile when you are just fighting with and for yourself you know? I talked to a girl friend who told me that this experience is really about learning more about ourselves than it is about teaching anything to anyone else. I have learned that I am more patient than I could have imagined, that I care way too much for others and usually not enough for myself, I am a much better and nicer person than I thought I was, that being a black and white person is very useful, that I can cry without shame now, and that while I can integrate or adapt to the majority of situations, people, or ideas that maybe that is not what I really want or need to do to be accepted. Sorry I did not write for awhile I was traveling and sick. I am looking forward to my fourth of july vacation coming up. I will definately miss the cherry creek arts festival for all you people in colorado you better go and enjoy for me. love.