months later

Opps, well terribly sorry that I have not written in months but life has been crazy out of control so backing up a bit. I finished my nutrition project which was a huge success in terms of being able to recover malnourished children in the short period of four months i can only hope that these improvements continue for the rest of those children's lives. There were significant improvements in children's heights, reactiveness, and overall immune system. The last month in site was a lot of meetings and presentations about the work that I had done and the recommendations for the future work that needs to be done in my site. In short summary-
November: lots of work and meetings, closing of projects, running another training for the new volunteers in my site, my town's anniversary and all the events of the month that entails, lots of dancing and partying and saying goodbye and only tears the last day that I was leaving because that was what we had all agreed upon.
December: move to lima, start training for my new job, week long meeting with one of the groups of volunteers, just trying to get a grasp of what an office job is like, working on a computer the majority of the day, learning the ropes of new computer programs, getting to know my new office companions, and then going back to the states, xmas with my mom and grams in baltimore.
January: Went to colorado for new years, concerts, 2 new tattoos, endless coffee and visits with all the old partners in crime, some amount of drama, good movies and eats. Return to peru to officially begin job. Yesterday moved into my new apt which is small but nice and cheap and has everything included in a really safe and calm neighborhood and lots of plants all over the place. Soooo happy that we got that all worked out. Went to meet with my country partner organization where i will be working sort of like a health administrator evaluating their current health promotion activities and techniques and making them better and training people and developing better systems it is a place that manages 1 million people and is the largest district in all of peru, if I can succeed with anything there it could make a huge different in the lives of thousands. Very big opportunity. This whole year really seems like such a big opportunity.
Now that is all caught up... It was the most gratifying experience of my life these last two years. I think I have matured quite a bit and got a lot out if it many people asked me how I had changed and to put it into words on the spot was difficult so I will instead share a journal entry of mine from November that I feel captures everything I could have possibly wanted to express:
2 weeks notice is usually what one gives to their job when they are quitting or leaving. 2 weeks has always been more than sufficient time to wrap up work, say insincere goodbyes, eat cake and pack up. I keep hearing el mundo da vueltas, but for me it feels a lot closer to what goes around comes around. As I begin the anxiety attack of the year, I cannot seem to grasp the idea that this bed, this room, this image, this importance, this richness in poverty, this lifestyle is all about to come to an abrupt halt. I was so terrified and bitter when I first came here and then there was the honeymoon phase, then survival, suffering, hopeless abandonment, surrender, and success, currently passing thru bitter soon to return to the honeymoon. Saying goodbye is heart wrenching this time. These two years have been eternally short. The days were long and sometimes in the stagnant heat and relentless sun I swore that time stubbornly stood still and bathed in the luxury of its own pace. But now I am watching them fly and wishing there were more or that this did not have to end in tears of relief, regret, rejoice, and relinquishment. As is always expected the next chapter and end to the previous is inevitably uncomfortable, because it is unknown. Yet I think about the future and only arrive to a blur, a load of unclear figures and places, And for the first time I have passed 2 years filled with memories that are crystal clear and I do not feel like I need to photograph everything I find endearing. Because the most beautiful moments are seared into my memory. The things that truly matter were feelings. These years have shown me so many other emotions I never previously experienced fury, rage, embarassment, shame, vengence, depression, happiness, excitement, regret, acceptance, failure, perseverance, stress, exhaustion, longing, love, hate, faith, and grace. I giggled at the idea that in my final report meeting people wanted forgiveness for the way they had mistreated me. I thought this was not the appropriate moment but then again there really never is. The only inappropriate apology is one that never comes. Then they all thanked and congratulated me for the achievements and advancements I had in and for La Matanza. I felt so proud that what I had done was profound enough to merit both verbal and written recognition from the authorities of my town. It was such a strange sensation of insufficiency. They made it clear there was no way to actually thank me for all that I had done, And at the same time the situation made it impossible to even begin to trying to explain what they had done for me as well. Even all the hardships, criticisms and what I felt were cruelties I would not take them back for a second I wanted to thank them for having shaped and defined me as a person and a professional. Joel mentioned the first day that we met and I though how different things are now. How much we have done, changed, and different. La Matanza cleanier and prettier. Me skinner, tanner, a little older, a little smoother and also a little more tough. I learned the importance of a feminine touch yet never lost the calluses on my hands. It was the first time in too long to remember that I found peace with food and fatness and fitness. Eating fried foods 3 times a day and not wincing or feeling guilty. I lost weight without hours of sweat filled exhertion and calorier control. I learned to drink beer and not fear filth and germs. I embraced that I probably ate or was covered in poop the majority of the time. I learned to smile and laugh when you really feel like yelling or crying. That frustration is not a productive emotion for anyone. That patience and calmness get things done more quickly. That a good meal and conversation values in at a good days at work and payday. I learned when you do not have money you do not have to worry about money and that poor people are much happier than rich people. That respect and kindness are tools for understanding and that differences in age, race, ethnicity, education, economics, and politics can all fade into the background and be completely insignificant in the face of humankind. The best things do not come easily or quickly. When you rush things they fall apart. Even when you want to trust everyone you cannot; someone will betray you and some people will always want to do you harm. Always better to come early and prepared rather than punctual and screwed. Relentlessness is the middle name of progress. I laughed in that meeting because it was the first time I present the same ideas I have presented for a long time, and knew that I was listened to instead of just being heard. And that these insights would be used to make relevant decisions that would decide and shape the future of this community. It was the moment after proving that one person can truly make a difference and change the world that the looks in their eyes made me believe it as well. After so much sweat, blood and tears those seconds of sweet certainty convinced me it had all been worth it in a mutual benefit. They mayor said he felt satisfied knowing they had taken advantage of the opportunity that I had presented them. And I knew that I too took everyday to do something usually for others but occasionally for myself to selfishly satisfy my curious nature and love of trying or learning new things. I left with a greater appreciation for how beautiful life can be and enjoying each moment more. With a better understanding of the importance of challenging times in the story of life. I left more mature, less naive, faithful to the fact that making mistakes is not failure and that my world does not make the world turn. It could be my happiness or sadness but the sun will rise and set. Somehow in the midst of being a spectator sport I felt the liberty to screw up and let go and retreat or fight. With all eyes watching and ears listening and mouths ready to slur slanderous truths in the form of lies. And that nothing done would be left to lie quietly. But this demanding presence only resulted in my own sureness to such an extent that I felt relaxed even in the face of scrutany and interogations, I got to the point that hearsay really meant say what you heard plus a little more. Oh but did being held accountable shipshape my ass up. Now each time before I go to do something silly I think the three seconds before instead of the three seconds after. And also have 2 solutions to every potential problem. I learned it was much easier to manipulate people into some form of mind control whenever they were convinced they liked you. I learned that anything is possible, first one must have it clear in mind and put the intentions into the universe and be alert to the signs of opportunities and then fight like hell until you are panting with exaultation. And never once doubt that it will happen or that you can make it happen. Through this one can achieve anything. Nothing is easy but not is impossible no matter how improbable. I learned to ask for forgiveness even at the cost of my pride and also how to forgive and accept apologies. I learned to be grateful for everything but in particular when someone is kind. And to have fun, so much fund as much as possible.I think I met the girl I always knew I could be. I got the opportunity to use my work talents not so much to be productive but rather to benefit the common good. I realized that what motivates me is work itself, better when it is a theme I am passionate about but that money is irrelevant to my life and joy. I can just be calm knowing that I have enough of it. The reflection overall of the experience is that the world does not need to be saved it just needs to be adjusted. This is also true about most of our lives. In whichever moment we believed things to be terrible an attitude adjustment is usually all it takes to get moving in the right direction. I feel people should be obliged to offer everything they have to give because these people have had to survive things that we will never know. The world is sometimes very bitter or angry with the way the global economy has evolved. And they should be it is completely unfair that anyone can drink and eat while others starve and die of thrist. It is just plain selfish. Even If people in the third world get to study at the university they will never make enough money to pull their family out of poverty. The other countries do not have the luxury to live on dreams. The live on back breaking labor until they die, and the first world ignores that all people are just people with the same needs.
Thank you so much to everyone I love and who has supported me and continues to support me I now have regular internet so I will be able to be more diligent about blogging and keeping up on facebook. this year promises many things to all of us,
love you so much.

in charge

so i am in lima helping out with trainings, getting trained and making sure the the parasites that i have to no do any permanent damage before i kick them out of my body. I was training the new volunteers who are refreshing in the sense that they make me realize just how far me and the rest of the volunteers have come. we all started out not really being able to speak spanish and scared and confused and not knowing what we werre doing here and no idea what we had gotten ourselves into. in retrospect i still have no idea what i am doing here but i think great things and maybe saving the world. i had my first encounter with the new group of health volunteers and they loved me they really loved me. and i had be so nervous but after talking with them i no longer had a single doubt that i would be an excellent leader for them and be able to help them do whatever it is they want. I know that i will be there to calm them down or lifgt them up and stop them from crying or wanting to go home. i still have to meet the previous group but all around i feel so much better about my decision to stay here. i thought i was taking such a huge risk but not only do i think that i will be able to take leaps and bounds in my career but also make a bunch of new friends and contacts and still learn so much more about myself and thiings of the world and psychology. i am truly excited and full of energy and ideas for all that is to come. and find myself at the same time being so calm about thigns that usually freak me out like how i have no idea what i will be working in or which community partner i will have and the fact that i will probably be homeless for about a month and then going to the states which has now become a whole world of the unknown and then being in charge of a fairly large group of people when i have never been the boss lady. all should sound overwhelming but i feel incredibly calm and then at the same time i find that both my mind and my body want to do yoga again and eat healthy food and get back to something that once felt so normal and good. i cannot wait for the uncertainty that the future brings for me and you, off to go watch some live music. lvoes

light at the end of the tunnel

So in a work sense things are running a bit smoother still doing anti parasite campaigns, giving food baskets, weighing children, teaching about nutrition and hygiene, training teachers about how to prevent malnutrition. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off. But happy. This past month I went to a concert of one of the most famous singers in Peru, he called me to the stage spent the whole night flirting with me, got off stage twice to talk with me. It was like being 13 again and having NSYNC tell you that you are pretty. Sigh it was awesome. Unfortunately, married so all interaction stopped at the end of the show. Though in my town they sell the video in which everything cannot believe that he payed so much attention to me including me. I have been in report mode everyday it seems like I have to write another report or presentation about my service and how it has gone and that it is ending. The other day I had a impromptu meeting with my mayor where he expressed his personal sadness that his town would be losing an important character in development, he thanked me for doing so much in two years and that it was very notable the success that I had and the changes I provoked here. It almost made me cry and then everyone else keeps talking about how I am already leaving and how sad it makes them feel which in turn also makes me feel sad because I am happily in the state of denial that I am leaving and plan to stay in that state until at least the second week of november just to keep myself sane. I have no idea how to say good bye. Lets see also I have recently become a waitress in my extended family's restaurant because my uncle has a foot wound from uncontrolled diabetes. I think it is hilarious because as I always suspected I do not have the right attitude to be waitress. I like giving hell and talking back. But since there is no tipping here there is really no losing anything. And actually the have sold out quite quickly every night that I work there. My cousin always jokes that we would sell faster if I would wear shorts or a mini skirt or show some cleavage. I just laugh and tell her I am not that type of girl. And I am not sure if I believe those types of outfits are sanitary for the food business. People keep talking about how they will be having a going away party for me I at least have 5 planned. And I am sure there will realistically be more. I am off to Lima for some meetings next week. Things are good but change as usual is nerve wrecking cannot wait to be on vacation much needed vacation hanging out with the friends and the family. Loves.

still in one piece

Ok so I am super sorry that I have not written in so long. I tried a few times but for problems with the internet or problems with the website I had not been able to get back. After re-reading the last blog tons has happened. First I am staying a third year however I will no longer be staying in my site. After many problems with health professionals and many rude words and poor treatment from my health center I decided it was no longer worth my time neither personally nor professionally to continue working with people that insist on making my life harder. Unfortunately, for my site they will have to continue to have a health provider that is deficient. As a result of this project though I have been able to succeed in getting my health center to shape up with the help of their bosses. It is always very ironic for me that all of the people in charge treat me with the utmost respect and all of their workers treat me like crap. But I do not let it get me down but rather am laughing in the face of adversity. The nutrition project is showing great results I have already recovered 9 children in one month. I am still waiting on the results of this month. I finished building improved cook stoves which took a workload off my back. I have treated almost 200 children for parasites. My friend molly came to visit for a week getting a day in the life of Andrea. I was so grateful to have a helping hand to get work done and overall impressed by her willingness and acceptance to new experiences. She even taught a nutrition session. It was great she learned how to take the height weight of the children and determine their nutrition status. I have to say that she really helped me realize that the work I am doing here is so important even though it can also be so challenging or overwhelming. It was great getting to share everything with her considering she is also a nutrition professional and seeing the grand difference between what I would be doing in the States with a nutrition degree and what I am doing here with a nutrition degree. Plus it was very interesting to hear that she was suffering the same growing pains that I am even though we are currently living in completely different realities. Then I was off to a much needed vacation to visit a friend that lives at the base of the highest mountain in Peru Huascaran. It was so beautiful and so relaxing and I had enough time to go hiking and breathe fresh air. We also went dancing in the capital and I visited a lagoon that had turquoise blue water and another place that had a rock forest. Everyday I went to bed happily exhausted from physical exertion instead of mental or emotional exertion. I read books, did yoga, cooked lunch for the first time in a very long time. Then I was off to Lima for meetings with the bosses in which we got to meet up with a group of volunteers that I have not seen in almost two years. It was great seeing how much we succeeded in doing for this country and how much a few people had changed. There was lots of laughter and a little bit of sorrow having to say good bye to friends. Also there were sessions where we talked about how to end our service and say good bye to our sites. In which case it became real that I had already completed my time here as fast as it has passed, it seems like yesterday I came and tomorrow I am leaving. Luckily I have two more months to finish this nutrition project. I have made a point to have a much calmer attitude in the face of so many problems and realize that I can only do so much. If things do not go perfectly that is perfectly ok. And thus I have spent more time enjoying the company of my friends and host family here going to eat and going dancing. We are entering the times of parties so first it begins that every weekend there are parties and then as we get to the end of October thru November there are parties every week and weekend. As a result of the decision that I would no longer be staying in my site for a third year my boss offered me and opportunity to work in the Lima office as the Coordinator of Volunteers for the Health Program, I was previously not certain it was a position that I really wanted but at the end of the day, when I received the offer I felt honored that many of my peers thought I would be a good fit for the job. I will be living and working with one of my best friends here so I feel much more comfortable with the decision. Life is good, I am happy I will be able to come home for a month to the states starting in December I will be on the East Coast and then after Xmas and for New Year’s I will be in Colorado. My dreams every night are already very USA focused. Cannot wait to see ya’ll hoping that everyone is surviving the crazy weather that you seem to be having over there.

good lord

So in the past weeks many things have happened or not happened and then still needed to happen. I have felt that there are not enough hours in the day to fit everything I absolutely need to do in. It has been really hard not to exhaust myself though it is apparent in the pains that my body give me. The other week was literally the hardest week I think I have ever had in all my service. I was working behind myself because my project almost got stolen by some crazy doctor and then the funding paperwork got behind so I was receiving my materials at the exact time when trainings were starting. We trained the health profesionals and teachers about the causes, consequences, and prevention of malnutrition. The goal with them is that they can work as promoters where they work in getting all the community well informed and improving nutrition and hygiene practices in both their work spaces as well as the mothers of family. It was rather concerning how little the health professionals knew about malnutrition and preventative health. The same day that we had to deliver food to the small towns we received in large sacks and had to break down everything into smaller bags and weigh every one of them. The paperwork, the insistence. The not having the key to the office that was storing the food and not being to get things where they needed to be. The project is excellent in practice when we are working with the moms and a train wreck in between hopefully it gets better now that the funding nonsense has worked itself out. I am traveling to 4 smaller towns which adds an hour on to every day. I am running deparasiting campaigns. With cooking classes and teaching about hygiene. I am building cookstoves and setting up for a training for volunteers next week. I have felt fairly out of control and hoping to stay on point. I have lost weight and started streamlining coffee again. There will be 30 people in my site learning about cookstoves, latrines, gardens, and animal husbandry. It is officially approved that I can stay in my site though after these weeks of work my only reaction to the news was to cry at the thought of staying. And how I cannot keep up what I am doing and working at this rate for even the rest of this year without falling apart. I am learning how to delegate though it has resulted in people making errors that then have to be fixed and leaves me thinking it would just be better to do the things myself. But people have to learn and I do not have time to do everything anymore. I am so indecisve it is so annoying. spent some days resting though dancing with friends for hours on end helps the soul. well off to bed. hope all is well in your lives.

vacations go and life goes on

Well many things are happening right now in my life. As usual I know you people probably think that I am the poster child for the saying the only thing constant in life is change. So in these past weeks I am now in charge of a huge project and am a little short of time in my life to be doing 3.5 projects at the same time. But multitasking has always been a strength so just have to keep pushing. But lets go back to last week when my family showed up, so nice to have the chance to show my life off to my mom and sister. I think sometimes it is impossible to be able to describe accurately my day to day life. I know that I talk a lot about work and that is well because pretty much my whole life is work. However, it was great getting to show them around to the chakras or fields where I spend my little free time singing at the top of my lungs in English without fear that someone is watching or listening. Then we headed to my Sunday hangout the river to play with the fishes and they got a kick out of the mototaxis getting stuck trying to cross the river and laughed harder at all the bouncing and jiggling that is produced when riding in these mototaxis. They were amazed at the constant traffic jam of goats, cows, donkey’s with carts, or sheep. They instantly fell in love with Peruvian food and even more so with my host mothers’ cooking so good. After a very necessary shower because of being covered in sweat and dust, we headed to meet the boyfriend’s family. It was great showing them that I have such a solid and entertaining support system. For the most part the two people who usually have the biggest mouths my boyfriend and his mother had their tongues stolen apparently by the cat. After some private conversations the air seemed to be a little less heavy. And they all went to my dance recital that I had prepared. It was my favorite moment to see my sister and mom laughing at me shaking my bad thang. And checking out the all to short or revealing costumes. The next day I had a meeting with the mayor and my boss about the future. The general consensus was that I have done excellent work and my community would like me to keep working another year here. My boss then said that it was an option and seemingly necessary as there is still so much work to do in my site. I think she left overall very impressed with my achievements and so while it is not written in stone yet. There is a really strong chance that I am staying in my site next year to be able to do the second part of my nutrition project, develop some sort of youth development and pregnancy prevention techniques, and build the bridge of communication between the schools, the municipality, and the health center. Waiting for a phone call depending on the situation I will be in the states for Christmas however if I do not get my paid month of vacation I will not be able to come out to Colorado. Then we headed to the beach for a few days of what I describe as gluttony because it was great food, laying around, playing on the beach, sleeping in, and no schedules. I unfortunately stepped on some animal in the water the first day which left me with a bleeding and painful bottom of my foot. It was not a stingray so I did not die. Then we came back to the city to get ready for Desi’s departure headed to check out some of the famous artesian work. Lots of buying of pretty things. Then the best dinner I have had in so long. No just for the food or the environment but rather for the company and conversations, 3 hours and way too much food, drinks, laughter, and money spent I felt like maybe this had been the future all along. I am realizing that sometimes we focus so hard on one future that we forget to look up and see if something better is sitting right in front of our noses. On my last day with mom I showed her that you can also live the good life here too. Went to a museum, got facials, got lunch, got coffee, went shopping and surprisingly felt like any Saturday in the states. I am so grateful that they were able to come experience my life and see my Peru and not just partake in the touristy stuff. I think they understand much more the reality that I face both the challenges and the rewards of what I do. They now have met all the most important characters of my soap opera which we have lovingly named “Tropical Storm”. I believe that my mom feels much more comfortable with me living here knowing that my support system is incredibly strong and loving. I feel rejuvenated not so much from being on vacation but rather because their trip reminded me why I am here and how important what I am doing truly is. And while it is never going to be easy I know the best things in life are worth fighting for. Lots of love keep ya’ll posted I should get the answer of whether or not I am for sure staying or going.

well

ok sorry guys that I did not blog for awhile I have been busy and busier. Back to dancing with the dance group, working, managing projects, traveling a little and trying to keep it together. I had applied for a third year leadership position and apparently was not the right fit so I think I am going to come home as of December. Then weird things started happening and I started feeling like I was supposed to stay in my site. So I talked with my boss about the option of staying in my site for another year and she said she did not know because we do not know the budget of 2012 still to be able to decide how many third year positions there will be. The reasons that I started thinking that I should stay is basically work started falling into place perhaps too much. I got an opportunity to design and manage a s/24,000 project. To recover and prevent malnutrition. Which is exactly what I have been wanting this whole time that I have been here and just did not get the time to make the effort. This literally fell into my lap and they gave it to me. So excellent. Really honestly stressful because I am still in charge of managing my sexual health promoters, accompanying them to teach classes, doing nutritional counseling, teaching in night school, helping on the parent school to make sure it does not fail, running my healthy households to soon be builiding improved cookstoves and now this project. Plus I received a phone call to say that there will be a training in my site in August. Then for some reason the health professionals at my health post finally started to think that I was actually worthwhile and want me to train them about health promotion and nutrition. Getting everything together to be able to take a lovely vacation with my sister and mom and get to show them the life I lead. I feel like it will be so interesting getting their perspective on my reality. Got the opportunity to go up to the mountains and take a bath in a mysterious lake I think it worked a little too well. It was a 3 hour hike one way and it was a trek because it had been raining so hiking up and down hills steep hills in straight mud. I did not fall but my friend did. exhausting, freezing. Getting into the lake was like the polar bear plunge because the water was freezing cold it burned my skin. It was hilarous because I had put on my bikini a bikini in the mountains in the rain running in an open field shivering and yelling thinking that getting into the lake would be an improvement and finding out I was chillingly mistake. I thought I was going to get pnemonia or hypothermia. I spent three hours after we got home trying to get the feeling back into my feet. The future is so uncertain I have to admit I got nervous at the thought of coming back to the states and having total culture shock and being unemployed, and not being able to dance like 4 times a week and not get to be my own boss anymore. And having to be punctual and live in a place with so many laws. But if I have to come home I think that it will be great to be close with the friends and family and get to check out the next chapter in my life. I was disappointed to have not gotten the job because well I really did not think that I would have gotten rejected. But it happened. And then I felt silly for having always thought that I would have been here for another year and now it might not happen. I can only wait now to see if staying in my site is a realistic option. Tomorrow is the yearly meeting for the budget for my district where I will be trying to get funds for improved cookstoves and the second stage of the nutrition project. There is so much to get done in these months to come. I would like to congratulate the newly engaged. best of luck lizann. love yall.